She set herself up for that one
Did you see how excited everyone was for the newest Lego set?
People lined up for blocks.
After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?
I said "Go on then!!"
Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A man and his son go to the optometrist and both have the same prescription but can't afford two sets of glasses.
His solution? "I wear my son's glasses at night..."
No one could figure out who set the Cathedral of Notre Dame on fire..
... But Quasimodo had a hunch.
We have a decent sized backyard and I wanted the kids to experience hide and seek at a new level. I hired a carpenter and puzzle author to set up some walls and let me tell you, what they did...
I was all set to become one of the worlds greatest mountain climbers.
But then I peaked too early.
President Biden Set to Announce Support for Legalizing Marijuana
The announcement will be made to a joint session of Congress.
Did you hear about the man you set up a shark fishing school in Australia?
It cost him an arm and a leg...
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ole bike just couldn't do the job anymore.
Which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
The police found a stolen car that had a nearly complete set of golf clubs inside...
They're still looking for the driver!
I've been building a lot of LEGO sets with my kids lately.
I'm happy to say I've been having an AFOL time!
The recipe said, ‘Set the oven to 180 degrees’.
Now I can’t open it because the door is facing the wall.
My sister just set up one of my greatest jokes. She was telling me about a book she read in English
I responded with "Yeah? What other languages is it in?"
She was silently fuming for the rest of the car ride home.
I commissioned an artist to make me a set of letters of the alphabet out of cast iron.
I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.
I'm missing the iron E.
My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...
What would a basketball game set in heaven be named?
What's the sound an England drum set makes?
What’s the difference between 2016-2020 America and a set of braces?
There is none, they both promote being white and straight
If you don’t want to oversleep don’t just set your Alarms...
But make sure you set your Blarms and Clarms too!
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
I once glued a set of false teeth onto a boomerang...
... that came back to bite me.
My school gym has a certain area set aside for people who like to be in the thick of things...
My son's science fair entry was a volcano made of a fat product from rendering the fatty tissue of a pig. My son's fat teacher waddled around everywhere when he set it off...
The lard ash was everywhere!
My new pencil sharpener came with a good set of instructions.
It was full of useful pointers.
Did you hear about the man who hid his train set?
He was good a covering his tracks
My town just set the record for the longest line fighting each other
You could see the punch line coming from a mile away
My son blew up his chemistry set.
When he did, I told him oxidants do happen!
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
My local clothing store has an area set aside to try on clothes that is perfectly placed in the store...
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
I was all set to get a brain transplant.
I used to be a flat earther. I even set out to sail across the ocean to find the big ice wall.
But eventually I came around.
If Batman was set in Edinburgh…
It wouldn't be known as "Waynescotting", wood it?
What do you call a handyman's skill set?
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire...
My wife said the “E” was missing from my sons alphabet set.
I replied, “No way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!”
My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
No one could figure out who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame.
But Quasimodo had a hunch.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”......
but now i can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”
Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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