Why did the doctor start yelling at his scheduling staff?
π︎ 11
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︎ May 21 2018
my girlfriend is a dentist and was scheduling her father for an appointment
GF: "... and on Friday it's wide open from around 2 or 2:30 on."
The old man gets a glimmer in his eye.
GF's Dad: "I only go to the dentist when tooth hurty"
His hand goes up.
We high five.
π︎ 40
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︎ Nov 17 2014
Scheduling a doctors appointment.
Grumpy Receptionist: which wrist is this for?
Me: my right wrist, not the wrong wrist.
We both hung up the phone giggling. I thought it was a victory considering how grumpy she was!
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︎ Sep 18 2015
So Covid and homeschool overwhelmed, I need to schedule a reminder to drain their Mac & Cheese.
I had to create a Google Colander entry to remind me...
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π
︎ May 21 2021
When's the best time to schedule an appointment with a dentist?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
What's the best time to schedule a dental appointment?
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 04 2021
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Whatβs the best time of day to go to the dentist?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 30 2021
What did the herb farmer say when he was running behind schedule?
Weβre in a thyme crunch
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I tried to schedule a time to go into my local library
π︎ 29
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
Why canβt I never find time to do yoga?
Because my schedule is kinda tight
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 02 2021
I give myself 30 minutes in my daily schedule to do abs.
I call that time period Crunch Time.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Julie Andrewsβ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread
Dβoh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
When I came home from my first day at my new job my wife asked me what my new schedule was like. I said it looks like Rihanna...
...because all I can see is work, work, work, work, work...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
I used to work in a restaurant abnd my specialty was to make the icecreams and cakes, due to my busy schedule I had to quit...
Nonetheless they all call me a deserter
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 16 2020
The project to restore Big Ben was a bit behind schedule, so the construction company put on a third shift...
Men are now working around the clock.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
I got a vasectomy scheduled for October 31st.
Doctor calls it his 'Hollow-ween' special.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
What did the Minecraft developer say when he looked as his daily schedule?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 02 2020
I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.
π︎ 346
π
︎ May 19 2019
I always schedule my dental appointments for the same time.
Itβs always at tooth hurty.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
Scheduled my vasectomy today, and my wife will be recovering from our last baby. Iβm sure no one will find this as funny as I did.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 15 2019
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
When you schedule a blowjob you plan ahead
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 10 2019
Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?
In charge of scheduling Yoda was.
π︎ 594
π
︎ May 04 2020
Iβm really jealous of dentistsβ schedule
They donβt have to go to work till tooth hurty.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 27 2019
Iβm driving through England, and am scheduled to pass through Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the meantime.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Dec 28 2018
The Other Day I Made A Sleeping Schedule
I Think You Will Find Quite "In-To-Resting"
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 31 2019
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!
My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. Iβd schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since weβre there.
Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says βcoolest dad in the galaxy,β a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift Iβm thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.
Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??
- Iβm still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!
Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I donβt really have that βcreativeβ part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesnβt matter!
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Why are The Doors scheduled to play as an opening act of nearly every concert I attend, but I never made it to catch them play live?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 08 2019
Multiple races were scheduled on the same channel on TV.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 14 2019
Not sure which frozen dinner Iβve scheduled to eat tonight
Iβll have to check my Marie Calendar
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 20 2019
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back βON!β - Tongues of puns linger
- Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museumβs famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings theyβve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
- Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
- Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words youβve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I think this fairy is on its holiday schedule too
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 01 2018
Why can't I schedule an interview at the library?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 17 2018
I always try to schedule my dentist appointments for 2:30
The receptionists don't find it as funny as I do.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 07 2018
I just booked my dental appointment.
Iβm scheduled to come in for tooth hurty.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
What do you do when you get beheinz schedule?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 19 2014
βBoss, can I have a week off around Christmas?β
Boss: Itβs May.
βSorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?β
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 15 2019
I've been sick the last few days and my sleep schedule has been pretty erratic. I didn't even the time change.
The missing hour just flu by!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 11 2018
My girlfriend is trying to change her sleep schedule.
Her: Changing your sleep routine is really hard.
Me: Yeah, I bet it's really deeply embedded.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 21 2016
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on his schedule.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Tried to schedule a date with my girlfriend at my local library
π︎ 63
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
When is the best time to schedule a dentist appointment?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
What time do dentists recommend as the best time to schedule an appointment?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 05 2020
What time did the dentist schedule his appointment?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 06 2018
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.
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π
︎ Jun 29 2020
What's the best time to schedule a dentist appointment?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 08 2019
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