When we arrived at the playground, I realised my son secretly brought the cat with him. I was about to be angry at him...
...but then I decided to let it slide.
Scientists have realised that trees have a way of communicating with each other...
I broke up with my boyfriend because I realised he’s a communist
Now that I look back, there were a lot of red flags
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.
Finally realised these "gym" boards are not going to work out.
I just realised something
Nothing actually starts with an N and ends with a G.
My girlfriend and I just realised we’re into the same 90’s pop bands
I bought 10 bees in the store last week but when i got home i realised I actually had 11
I guess one was a free-bee
So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
I just realised
Military barbers shave their privates
I realised I was dyslexic when I attended a toga party
I was about to make a pun about Planes but then i realised it would never take off
If you've seen this pun before i didn't copy it, it is Just an easy pun to think of.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then i realised "am i really this shellfish"?
I realised jokes without punchline are funnier
My local church recently held a masquerade themed dinner and whilst the priest was saying grace I suddenly realised...
It was a blessing in disguise.
I saw a beautiful drawing of a fig last week and I just realised why I haven't been able to stop thinking about it,
It was a fig meant for my imagination.
As I turned up to the funeral in a donkey costume, that's when I realised
I've made an ass of myself
I realised I was ugly when ...
the Uber driver that dropped me off got a fine for littering
I just realised it’s been years since I did the hokey pokey
I guess I forgot what it’s all about
I was driving my German girlfriend around in my older banger, the heavy rain clattering against my windshield. As the journey went on, I realised that she has this really weird obsession with snakes.
She kept telling me that I need vipers.
What did the Spanish guy say when he realised his car was missing
Had new soft close cupboard doors installed and realised how chaste they are
Because you can't bang them.
I was really excited to call my girlfriend until I realised that she had another partner.
The phone said that she was engaged.
Today I realised I don't want to eat apples again
I guess I lost my appletite
What did the librarian say when they realised all the pages of animal farm were ripped out?
Got my friend after he made a spelling mistake while texting and I don't think he even realised.
Friend: My gym membership feels like such a waist atm
Me: Do you not think it's hip to go to the gym any more?
Friend: I think I ain't got time with a new born
Me: Can you not stomach it?
Friend: Well I got to do school runs and that fir the time being and K in the morning and Liam in the afternoon then home dinner putting kids down time is just gone
Me: Yeah, I've got a gut feeling you won't be working out as much as you used to anymore
As he wiped the jelly from one eye and the cake from the other he realised I was not someone to be trifled with.
I just realised why it's called skyping. SKY PING. Get it?
[pun request] I've realised reddit is funnier than I am. I'll post the story in the comments.
So recently there's some news of a student taking food from the community fridge that doesn't belong to them. I'm in charge of making a parody of Iggy's Azeala's song "Fancy". I want to make a joke that uses both things.
The best I can come up with is
What does your food in the community fridge and the parody video have in common? It's gonna be as cool as if you found your food in the fridge.
I'm sure there's something better.
So I had just finished my Data Visualisation assignment on Microsoft Excel when suddenly it crashed. I nearly shit me cacks when I realised I forgot to save it. Thanks be to jaysus the program restarted with my graph intact...
... Lads, I almost lost the plot.
Just realised Dad-Joked my wife yesterday..
Wife "Can I get in the fridge?"
Me "I don't think you'll fit"
Obviously not as good as the majority of the ones posted here, but as I have a 2 year old, I was just proud to actually be part of the Dad Joke world.
I realised I'm a dad joker when I let this one out
Unpacking groceries into the fridge, the fridge starts with it's alarm that the door has been open for too long (jingle bells)
Me: I wish the fridge would shut the hell up!
Step daughter: it's a smart fridge
Me: well if it's so damn smart, why the hell is it playing Christmas carols in May.
Groans where heard throughout the house
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
