I learnt cuss words from my uncle's son

He's always a cousin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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I recently learnt the Welsh word for 'push' is 'lluq'.

I saw it written on a Glass Door.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Learnt an interesting fact today..... If you spell "Absolutely Nothing" backwards, you get "Gnihton Yletulosba" which actually means.....

......Absolutely Nothing!!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I learnt about the symptoms of sever athletes foot

It’s quite a peeling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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I just learnt the medical name for Viagra

Mycoxaflopin

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thistardis
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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My daughter has learnt well

My 8 year old came home from school and on the car trip home

Daughter: mum I bet I can make you say black

Wife: oh really?

Daughter: what color is that car

Wife: Blue?

Daughter: And that tree?

Wife: Brown

Daughter: told you I could make you say brown

Wife: no you said black!

I have never been more proud

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noragen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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what did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?

That's just grate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I just learnt that the Wildebeest is actually an antelope.

That's gnus to me.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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I learnt how to write Chinese yesterday

It’s very easy- β€œc-h-i-n-e-s-e”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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A few days ago I learnt what confirmation bias meant.

Now I see it everywhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Today I learnt how to properly fasten two pieces of metal together

It’s riveting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAmazingJames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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America, I've finally learnt how to stop you getting on my nerves.

So please, don't make America grate again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurrealDad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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I haven't learnt to play classical piano music yet.

But it's on my todo Liszt.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?

She wanted the Task Manager.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I am very dyslexic.

But I have learnt that through hard work and determination, anything is popsicle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stackiit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.

He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.

The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.

He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I told my Dad "you should learn from your mistakes"...

He replied: "Well, I haven't learnt anything from you yet."

...thanks Dad -_-

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lastminutecram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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What's green and dangerous?

A gooseberry with a machine gun.
(Extra points as I actually learnt this from my dad...)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoorMetonym
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Teaching my 4yo how to write

What letter is this?

"Y"

Because I'm asking you! What letter is it??

"Y!"

How am I supposed to know if you've learnt it if you don't tell me?? What letter is this??

I look at him. He's looking at me. I can see his brain stuck in a loop he's not sure how to get out of. He sees me starting to crack up and out it comes, the unquestionable evidence of a successful dad joke

"Ugh! DAAAAAAAAADDDD"

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamSmuggler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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Whenever dinners ready

Nearly every dinner my dad has the same routine when calling us to the dinner table. He yells, "let's eat, people!" then he smirks and says... "Well... let's not eat people."

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alegemaate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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My father was a croupier.

I learnt a great deal from him.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/attaboyyyyyy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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I was surprised at how easy fishing is.

When I learnt how easy it is to get the hook back I was reeling.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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So son, what did you learn at school today?

Me: Errr....

Dad: Ah, err, wasn't until I was nearly finished with school till I learnt all there was to err.

This was a daily occurrence between my dad and me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mullza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
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The most unhelpful advice my Dad could give me as a child.

This would happen way too many times during my childhood and I never learnt... maybe because I couldn't actually find another way to express it.. anyway:

My eye would be sore and hurting really bad

Dad: What's the matter? Me: I've got something in my eye. Dad: Yeah, your eyeball.

-seriously unhelpful while I can't even see properly...thanks Dad-

I have however used it to friends as I got older... they also found it to be rather unhelpful and annoying lol.

True Dad jokes are only funny if you're on the outside of the problem haha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bumapotofishus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
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I've just learnt the medical name for viagra.

Mycoxafloppin.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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