A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A boy at the back puts up his hand and says "G". The teacher says,
π︎ 239
π
︎ Sep 23 2022
So my wife puts away the plates according to when we bought them...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 29 2022
My friend had a idea for a bakery that puts their stuff in the oven for half the recommended time
I said that was a half baked idea
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 21 2022
The Pope is handing out miracles to kids. Billy walks on stage and asks him, βcan you help me with my hearing?β. The Pope says βYesβ and puts his hand on Billyβs ears and prays. He removes his hands and asks, βHow is your hearing now?β
Billy says, βI donβt know, itβs not until next Wednesdayβ¦ β
π︎ 74
π
︎ Sep 20 2022
Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."
So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ" The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?" Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 06 2022
My neighbor is a surgeon and was telling us at a dinner how he puts organs back in upside down or backwards. He laughed like it was nothing. I told him I didnβt think it was funnyβ¦.
but he said it was an inside joke.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Aug 04 2022
I'll never understand anyone who puts money in a no interest checking account
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 02 2022
I finally figured out where the dog puts all its old bones
They're kept in the bark-ives.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 08 2022
Picture this: you go to a urologist's office, and along with all their other patients, you contribute a urine sample. The doctor puts everyone's sample bottles in a little machine that spins them around really fast. Congratulations! You've just...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 04 2022
He puts the "e" in parish
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 18 2021
What do you call it when a farmhand puts cowboy clothes on his salad?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 02 2022
How does a penguin puts its house together??
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 21 2022
A waitress at a diner gives a man his check. As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.
Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you about me?
Waitress: This first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
Man: Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on.
Waitress: This second one tells me that you are not married.
Man: Yes, that's true too.
Waitress: And this last one tells me that your mother wasn't married either.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 29 2021
What does the insurance man say when he puts his kids to bed?
π︎ 93
π
︎ Aug 14 2021
Daughter: puts two vests on this morning
Me: I see you are two invested in today
π€£ I will see myself out.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 16 2021
A nun puts on and takes off her hair cover over and over and over.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 13 2021
My professor puts jokes on the board before class
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 08 2019
Did you know that Norway puts barcodes on their boats?
It's allows them to Scandinavian.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jul 18 2021
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
*Puts car in reverse*
You know, this really takes me back
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
"German talent show contestants puts string of sausages up her bum" .. this performance was the wurst
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 11 2019
A Father is someone who puts...
pictures where his money use to be.
π︎ 62
π
︎ Jun 16 2019
Puts things into a new perspective
π︎ 56
π
︎ Aug 22 2019
My poor family puts up with me
Last night at supper, this interchange occurred (it helps if you know we're from Oklahoma and speak with an Oklahoma drawl):
Wife: "Come on little bug, and get some supper."
Daughter: "Did you just call me a bug."
Me (quickly looking at my wife): "Who is Mia Bugg, and why do ya have her phone number?"
Both wife and daughter stopped and stared at me for about 10 seconds, then slowly shook their heads and walked past me.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 08 2014
How do we call someone who puts kids to sleep ?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 03 2019
βNobody puts Baby in the conerβ - Patrick Swayztree in βDirtree Dancingβ
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
If a person goes to Australia and puts on a costume to look like a roo.
Would it be a Kanga-ruse?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 17 2019
Die guy puts die in you die so when your die dies you have more die
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 06 2017
A human is on a alien space ship alone in a cage. An alien guard sees him and puts another human in the cage along with him.
Human asks βwhy didnt you leave me in the cage alone?β
Alien says βi didnt want to alienate youβ
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 29 2019
A woman falls into a well. Her husband immediately puts a cover over it.
Well that got dark quickly
π︎ 41
π
︎ Sep 25 2018
This really puts things into perspective.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 19 2018
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.
I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 21 2018
Invited my dad to play video games with me. He puts the controller up to the side of his head.
"What are you doing, dad?"
"I'm playing it by ear"
π︎ 23
π
︎ Sep 01 2019
A worker tells his boss about a great idea. The boss says "let me think about it" then pulls a bad 80's wig from his desk and puts it on. The worker asks "what's that for?"
The boss says "I need to mull-it over..."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 12 2019
A Roman walks into a bar and puts up 2 fingers.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 08 2019
I love this warm weather coming around. Really puts a Spring in my step.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 21 2019
Volemort splits his soul and puts part of it into a prostitute
Now he has a new whorecrux
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2019
Aye, do you know why the Norwegian Navy puts barcodes on the side of their ships?
So dey can Scandinavian.
All credit goes to an old man clerk at my local liquor store.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
I just found out my girlfriend puts ice in her milk
Our relationshipβs on the rocks
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 28 2019
More and more people are sticking cheese on the tips of their fingers. Jane, who puts Camembert on her index finger, is a casein point.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 09 2019
Whatβs it called when a Communist goes to work, puts in 8 hours, and then leaves?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 04 2019
What do you call it when a Doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 25 2019
*Puts a burger king crown on the gaming console*
Look, now it's the Royal Wii.
π︎ 66
π
︎ Aug 29 2013
I know a surgeon that puts organs back in upsidedown
I told him that's not funny but he said it was an inside joke.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
