A police officer tried to pull me over for not having a rear view mirror.
A Tibetan bull walks into a bar, hoping to pull off a swindle.
The bartender looks at him and says, “You must be here for a cognac.”
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
If police pull over a U-Haul van
I'm so furious about my postmans route that I pull my hair out
I call it mail pattern baldness
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Why did they pull a lawsuit against the spa for their wax treatment?
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?
Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
Where is it most unsafe to play the “pull my finger” game?
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yard.
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
Are you gonna pull it all the way out?
What time does the train pull into the station?
Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop
Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: "Mine."
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
A man is speeding down the road, so a cop pulls him over...
The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"
And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."
The cop says "Why is that relevant?"
And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*
Kid: WOW are you a magician?
Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve
Our couch pulls out and I gotta say it’s really nice
The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place
It takes a lot of balls to pull this off
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.
That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.
Saw a cop pull over a U-Haul yesterday...
Guess he was trying to bust a move.
What do you get when you pull all the legs off an ant?
What do you call someone who has the ability to pull off a lie in every situation?
Why did Christopher Columbus pull a bunch of Swiss chard out of the ocean?
He wanted to be in uncharded waters.
When you pull up to two vegans fighting...
I almost caught a fish today, but my fishing pole wouldn’t pull it in properly.
It was a reel bad situation.
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.
Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?
Great Dad joke to pull on your Kroger cashier
Clerk: You want your milk in a bag?
Me: Nah, just leave it in the jug.
I asked my personal trainer for another way to work my trapezius muscles besides doing pull downs...
He shrugged and walked away.
People who pull forward into parking spots are living in the moment. Those who back up into the spot, are thinking about the future.
If your dentist pulls the wrong tooth
Gave me a pleasant chuckle while driving, I had to pull over and take a pic
I met a gangster the other day who pulls up people's underwear...
Why did the bored man pull his money out of the bank?
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin’ Terry
What did the Great Deku Tree tell Link when he couldn't pull out the master sword?
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
