Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."
Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
A good pickle joke is all about the dillivery
Was pretty confused when I found a pickle in a door today.
Until I noticed, it was slightly ajar.
Won an award for growing the biggest pickle in the state.
What is the Spring season's favorite kind of pickles?
A bit of a pickle
Why did the pickle cross the road?
He had to make a dill-ivery
Thanks I'll see myself out
I was out shopping and dropped my glass of pickles
I called for the janitor and told him it was kind of a big dill
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
we are certainly in a pickle
What do you call pickle bread?
You guys hear about the giant pickle?
It was kind of a big dill
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it.
Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle.
When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed.
Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
At our restaurant, we make sure to buy our pickled cabbage from a variety of vendors.
We've discovered the value of kraut sourcing.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
What do you call dirty pickles?
Why do pickles never take the stairs?
Iceberg!! Iceberg!! We're in a titanic pickle here
But lettuce romaine calm, help will turnip soon
world's in quite a pickle already
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring process!
Did you hear that they just broke the Guinness Record for largest pickle?
How do pickles celebrate their cake day?
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
Did you hear the one about the guy with the pickle in his ear?
What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
Did you hear about all the competition in the outdoor pickled cabbage contest?
My obese friend was proud as she heaped a pickle topping all over her hot dog...
HEADLINE: Vermont man arrested for throwing pickle from moving vehicle, striking a highway worker...
It wasn't a Vlasic case of road rage, but it's still Claussen quite a commotion.
Why was the cucumber worried?
It was in a bit of a pickle.
What do you call a guy from Bavaria when he’s in a pickle?
What to do, when a pickle get's stuck in your butt?
Oh shit, this isn't Google!
While I was grilling, my son asked "can I get pickles on my burger, If it's not too much to ask?"
Brining pickles makes them last much longer than fresh cucumbers, but packing them in air-tight containers…
That's what really seals the dill.
I always mix up chutney and pickle....
The grocery store was having a sale on pickles.
A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..
They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.
Sometimes you're just in a pickle
I turned myself into a pickle morty
What do you call a folk musician, floating in a pickle jar?
What do you use to make pickle bread?
How do pickles enjoy their day off?
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
Did you hear about the world's largest pickle?
Did you hear about the giant pickle?