Pee Pea Pun Attack !
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlakeTheMadd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.

I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
We have achieved world peas
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackBleedingGray
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.

When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
I come in peas
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/homodemen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
I found my son sleeping in a tub of peas.

β€œMay he rest in peas,” i said.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernamesthis-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
How do you request for rented peas?

By saying "Pea-Lease"

(Thats if they rent peas)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Badjuju_Gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast-beef and pea-soup?

Anyone can roast Beef.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/death-to-turtles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Lost a pea off my plate at dinner.

I had an escape-pea!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Notts90
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Legs crossed. Needs to pea 🀣 carrot on with your puns~
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ApekshaShah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes...

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XQZahme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a novel about a detail-oriented British pea farmer.

It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can learn to roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 582
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Finally achieved world peas
πŸ‘︎ 354
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smaxx21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wonka88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a lentile and a chick pea?

I've never had a lentile on my chest before.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Timmyp79
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Guess she wanted some peas and quiet
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jvegas2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said our kids were like two peas in a pod.

I said there's only one "p" in pod.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are ever in a food fight, throw the peas....

For everyone knows you need to give peas a chance...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can roast potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are pea eaters rude to noisy people?

They want their peas and quiet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Peas out.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
So, I was debating this guy about world peace, and he argued that whirled peas sound disgusting!

I think that's called an ad homonym attack.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The Hip peas loved this stuff.
πŸ‘︎ 867
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HikerSethT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I love peas
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboik2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My step dad pointed at a pea which had escaped from a bag of peas

and said "it's an escapea"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samurai731
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do huskies like their peas?

Mushy

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverGonnaEver01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
He pea’d on the floor..
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bcaleen
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between popcorn and pea soup?

You can pop corn but ya can't pea soup!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Enhanced_35
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions

I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rexman3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
i threw some peas into the sky

air pods

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BDeanMusic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctor's office with celery in one ear, peas in the other, and a carrot up each nostril, and says "Doc, I don't feel well". The doctor replies "It's because you aren't eating right."
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thalpal317
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
It's good to see people that carrot about world peas.It might seem corny, but to achieve world peas we have to beet the bad guys.
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Finally achieved world peas
πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FutureTheFuture
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I would never pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCOUNTCUPCAKE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lykanthrocide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a store that put the teas on the same shelf as the pea pods.

Whenever someone asked where the butterfly pea flower tea was, we would say, β€œBlue tea is in the aisle of the pea holder.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomSFox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My Daughter Just Tried Peas for the first time

And I have to say she's not very hap-pea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawberrymillks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef but no one can pea soup

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboiprettyrich
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeewild
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
VI Peas
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everybody can roast a beef ;)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SportsBrus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Immortals from the movie Highlander get along like peas in a pod.

There can be only one.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DandyBeyond
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
We get along like two peas in a pod.

There can be only one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DandyBeyond
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom refuses to make peas anymore with dinner

Every time she does my dad dumps a bunch on the table and says "oh no I've peed on the table!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beatsdropheavy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you say when your pea rolls away?

It's an escape-pea!

πŸ‘︎ 440
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustaLNA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/number9spud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
When my Dad drops a pea off of his plate...

He says,"Oh dear I've pee'd on the table!"

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_techguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Finally achieved world peas
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ordinary_Kurkure
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardedNightmare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My son said "but dad I don't like peas"

I said "Just think of them as O's"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked how I felt about split pea soup

I said I was a little divided on the subject

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OperatorMaA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Who pea'd on the floor?
πŸ‘︎ 183
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therealbessica
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I almost had the record for the most peas shoved up my nose...

but I blew it.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hann1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef, pea soup, and glue?

Everyone can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup!

What about the glue?

I got stuck on it.

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BuzzWeedle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Shucking Peas with my Dad 10 Seconds Ago

One pea falls out of the pod onto the ground......

Dad: "Oh look! an escapee!"

Mom and I groan....

πŸ‘︎ 404
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/northWest_Nile
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
🚨︎ report
when will we reach world peas? imgur.com/FLNVp3L
πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mgn5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Give Peas a Chance [Gene: An Intimate History by Siddhartha Mukherjee] imgur.com/y7pD6Qr
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lansaman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef, but not everyone can pee soup

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinxxxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:

β€œHey, I peed in the sink”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswaterreallywet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday at dinner, my dad dropped some peas on the table

"oh no, i pea'd on the table" he said

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Double_D
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Peas excuse the pun
πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GasStationBacon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

I can chop beef, but I can't pee soup!

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IncredibleMrE
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, as I brought in the dogs from a potty break in our Minnesota backyard before we went to the grocery store, my wife asked me to reminder her to pick up some frozen peas. I told her..

..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I waited in line for 45 minutes earlier for smashed pea soup that was clearly spoiled.

That restaurant needs to mind their peas and queues.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Peas or Broccoli?

My sister sends out a group text asking if she should bring peas or broccoli to our thanksgiving dinner.

My family responds 5 votes for peas 0 votes for broccoli.

I respond "If you want broccoli speak up now or forever hold your peas!"

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iwannabewitty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
🚨︎ report
As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas.

And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
These peas are fighting for clean seas imgur.com/pR5IQ7I
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimiEnt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Hundreds of chick peas were found dead downtown this morning...

Police are calling it a hummuscide.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/instacarp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Anyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/motoman2550
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me she dropped her phone in a pot of pea soup...

I asked her if it made it taste like Apples...

she laughed, but nobody else did

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TedFlowsby
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between roast potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can roast potatoes...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the water in a can of peas called?

Pea Pee

Told this to my daughter while we were cooking dinner.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kitungu
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Peas forgive the Facebook post.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/probrian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
🚨︎ report
My step dad's joke about peas

When I was little and he first said this joke, it was hilarious, then I became a teenager and it became completely unfunny, now im an adult, its hilarious again.

when a garden pea falls off fork/plate on to floor Stepdad: "ESCAP-PEAAAA"

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whovianwitch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
🚨︎ report
The sad story of split peas gocomics.com/theargyleswe…
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
🚨︎ report
What happens when you eat pea green soup?

You pee green soup.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MandatorySuicide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I like your pea coat

It matches your pee pants

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fendaar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I stopped eating pea soup recently.

I gave it up for lentil.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/windral
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Whenever we have rice/peas

Me: Can you give me some peas/rice

Dad: How many?

.

.

I always overestimate how many rices I want

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apple1rule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
So, I was telling my kids about the history of eating black-eyed peas and greens on New Year's Day...

[this one is actually technically a mom joke]

...and I was explaining how the practice originated during the American Civil War, but they're still young, so I had to explain how we got into the war.

Me (Dad): "...so the South didn't like what the North was doing and they decided they wanted to quit the country."

Wife (Mom): "AND THEY SECEDED! ... Get it? SECEDED! HAHAHAHHA! It's like succeeded, but it... nobody?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BunsOfAluminum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
🚨︎ report
We had dinner at my parents house and my daughter was only eating the sugar snap peas

My dad: "they must be very ap-peas-ing to her taste buds"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/readit16
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
🚨︎ report
For my whole childhood any time a pea rolled off a plate during dinner my Dad would say this

"There goes an escaPEA."

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddBig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a novel about a detail-oriented British pea farmer.

It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup ?

You can roast beef but you can't pee soup

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingpotato28
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestJump1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup ?

You can roast beef. You can't pea soup.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffevans
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
🚨︎ report

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