The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 385
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
I've opened a restaurant called "Peace And Quiet."

Kids meals only $150.

πŸ‘︎ 490
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Rest in Peace boiling water

you will be mist

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hetgr8
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Olive branch is a symbol of peace. People were using olive branch during the history to declare truce by giving it to their enemies

If you are wondering how I know this, it's because olive random trivia

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebadtman1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
After watching me read β€œWar and Peace”, my son asked me, β€œDad, why is the book so thick?”

Me: Well, it’s ......a long story.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Courtesy of Victor Borge, may he rest in peace:

I can't stand sitting.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jDubbaYo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
What is a electricians least favourite peace of clothing?

Shorts

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Lazy-Lemur
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Peace of Pizza
πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Celtic_Oak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a buddhist who was tragically afraid of inner peace...

... he was zen-ophobic!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Peace be with you
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knorke3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
peace out, stay happy!
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snickers_rectal
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How to solve world peace
πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weeby_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Peace!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andresdoughmas
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Nice I can go die in peace
πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkidTheDefault
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the corn farmer win the Nobel Peace Prize?

For his dedication to world hominy

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatjamoco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How to work from home in peace

As are many people these days, I am at home with my kids all day long.

Kid: I asked you a question!

Me: I didn't hear you.

Kid: Three times, too!

Me: Six.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/julius_yang
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How I'd singlehandedly achieve world peace [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brandonchinn178
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Ya know the weird thing about waiting for peace?

No punch line

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crispybacon62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
May your time wrist in peace
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/predditator
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
"Rest In Peace" is a death sentence.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
So, I was debating this guy about world peace, and he argued that whirled peas sound disgusting!

I think that's called an ad homonym attack.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Russia agree to a peace treaty with Germany right before ww2?

Their leader was Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Enderman5059
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife asked if she could have some peace & quiet while she cooked dinner

I said no problem & took the batteries out of the smoke alarms

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYC_Dweller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you guys like my holiday table center-peace?
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piscimancy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Peace za any one?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cousin-Lit
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend's cats constantly surround her. She can't even get a moment's peace to read a book.

Sometimes you just have to read between felines

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevincredible22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
A man I know was struggling to find his inner peace

He was talking to his wife about it and his wife admonished him, saying "It's all that sitting around you do!". After some thought, the man took to the internet and posted all the seats in the house for sale on craigslist and similar sites. He posted the loveseat, the couch, their barstools, everything. It all sold pretty quickly, and once the last piece was gone, he proudly showed his wife what he'd done. Upset and dismayed at what he'd done, she turned to him tearfully and asked, "Did you find your inner peace now?!" He smiled and cupped her face in his hands, looking her in the eyes, and said,

"Hon, I've got not a chair in the world!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
In exchange for peace, the US is offering North Korea a shipment of transparent rockets.

So that Kim Jong Un can still claim to have new clear weapons.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Tomatoes. Some say, "TaMayTo". Some say, "TaMahTo". However, I'm at peace with my...

TomaTao

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capgunbean
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Rest In Peace boiling water

You will be mist

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Turd--Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beespray9_8_9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Rest in peace boiling water.

You will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meltedpickless
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the corn farmer win a Nobel Peace Prize?

Because of his dedication to world hominy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatjamoco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So i took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derextus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zozi0102
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jgudnas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible!” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible." the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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