Do you know why ancient egyptians had such a hard time recruiting laborers?

It was a pyramid scheme

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: hello 911?!? My wife is going into labor Op: is this her first child?!!?

Me: No this is her husband!!!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chael809
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.

I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peak-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I called the doctor, β€œMy Wife is going into labor! What should I do?”

β€œIs this her first child?” He asks.

β€œNo this is her Husband.”

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cplaprade
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, β€œWhat’s wrong?”. She screamed. β€œThese contractions are going to kill me!!”

β€œI am sorry, honey,” I replied. β€œWhat is wrong?”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: My wife is going into labor! Operator: Is this her first child?

Me: No it’s her husband......

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
A woman in labor started shouting, β€œShouldn’t, wouldn’t, can’t don’t.” The doctor turned to the husband and said,

β€œDon’t worry, they’re only contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Man: Doctor help my wife has gone into labor! Doctor: Is this her first child?

Man: No this is her husband

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gargegameboy12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."

My first official dad joke.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?

Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
When my mom was in labor she suddenly shouted β€œShouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

My dad said to the doctor, β€œdon’t worry those are just contractions”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.

That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/respectively288
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...

I guess it was the delivery!

πŸ‘︎ 207
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, β€œShouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

β€œDon’t worry,” said the doc. β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 489
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor

But I messed up the delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy Labor Day to all the moms out there. We appreciate you!
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
One line Labor Day jokes

Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
It works for me!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about Labor Day...

unfortunately it didn’t work out

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frankenhiemer12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.

They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A Bodybuilder Enters Hell

After a full day of hard labor he asks Satan, " Hey, is there any way that I can get a protein shake around here? ".

Satan replies, "There's no whey in hell !!! ".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous-70
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
My favorite thing about being born on labor day

Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaoi_boi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
To all pregnant women...

Happy Labor Day

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
πŸ‘︎ 310
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?

They were strike anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_BENCHYS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A lady was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

The doctor said to the husband, "don't get too alarmed... She's just having contractions."

πŸ‘︎ 269
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, β€œHow about epidural anesthesia?”

I said, β€œThanks, but we already picked a name.”

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
While all physical labor jobs are hard on your body...

...Coal miners really get the shaft.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Androidsunrise
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.

We named him Carson.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WijoWolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy Labor day to all the moms out there. We appreciate everything you went through!
πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
[request] my wife will be going into labor soon.

Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supergnaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm driving my wife to the hospital since shes in labor, Unfortunately she gives birth in the car to a baby boy.

I named him Carson

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkey221
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me the other day what I wanted to name our twin daughters. Kate, I replied. And the other, she asked?

DupliKate

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How to tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pegacornian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife went into labor and gave birth inside my car.

Consequently we named him Carson.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A man's calls 911 after his wife goes into labor.

Operator: 911 what is your emergency?

Man: My wife is in labor and I have no idea what to do!

Operator: Is this her first born?

Man: No, this is her husband!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alshon_Joffrey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
While my wife was in labor, I told her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she wasn't amused…

It must have been the delivery…

πŸ‘︎ 297
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the soda factory worker quit his job?

It was too much fizzical labor.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElevatedTreeMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Methheads in labor...

have speedy deliveries.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
All the babies at the hospital wanted to be paid for being born.

So they joined a labor union.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Not a fan of child labor, but these carrots are amazing!

https://imgur.com/a/xE9fo

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexslivi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
When is Labor Day?

About 9 months after Father's Day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camthehombre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The fruits of some clever designer's labor.

https://i.redditmedia.com/1i8n5hhsN3ki0zaVpgHVFhITZn8H5fgjgEMxgVn-cY0.jpg?w=750&s=b4652e130d0b599636f881297487282b

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyskr4per
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
An expectant father and his pregnant wife are on vacation in the wilderness. Suddenly his wife goes into labor. The man frantically dials 911.

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Dad: My wife is going into labor! I don't know what to do!
Operator: Please calm down sir, I'll help you through this. Now, is this her first born?
Dad: No! This is her husband!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conandy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
🚨︎ report
9 month Pregnant wife: I’m going into labor!!

Me: What field? Construction?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewMexUrbanPrep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife is due with our first baby any time now and she made a poll to have the family guess when she would go into labor. Hilarity ensued.
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyramids_of_Gold
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
You have reached the pregnancy hotline...

If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/profgarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are zombies free labor?

They don't need a living wage.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/triggur
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who labored all day at a yogurt factory.

He was all work and Yoplait.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pactin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens if you go into labor in the ocean?

You have to have a sea-section!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoquiero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I called up the doctor and said, "Doctor, my wife is going into labor and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do!?"

"Is this her first child?" he asked.

"No, this is her husband."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What was the result of the labor dispute at the bowling alley?

A strike.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarlet_Spectre
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife is going to be induced into labor tomorrow.

On Labor day. Seriously shes pregnant with our 3rd boy and hes over a week late.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zoolilba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Wait, its Labor day weekend...? imgur.com/UTHfso1
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aescobar32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
🚨︎ report
to the wife, "Happy Labor day"

But I don't think it's fair to have two mothers days in a year and only one fathers day.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wobiii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Father in law was barbecuing for labor day

I asked if he wanted to help and he said Yeah for sure, but then I said "nah forget, you can just go shuck yourself". He was proud I married into the family.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TEMPLEWORKER
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
🚨︎ report
911 whats your emergency?

Man: My wife is getting into labor i dont know what to do

Operator: is it her first born?

Man: no it is her husbend

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Just now while cooking at my house on labor day... My dog was wondering around my kitchen.

Dad: You should have name your dog whisky Me: Why??? Dad: Because he's a licker Mom: sighs and slowly shakes head

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burn23notice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife said she got a job at the hospital, but recently she let slip she's working in labor and delivery....do you think she's cheating on me?

How should I confront her about this?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSmashPosterGuy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
🚨︎ report
What's another name for Mother's Day?

Labor Day.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peaches_inthe_sun
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife in labor

As my wife in labor is walking down the hallway of the hospital and I'm rolling her IV on my right, I looked right and said to her,

"Maybe its just me, but I feel like there is something between us."

I got the glare and silent treatment...until the water broke 10 steps later.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxMulderThe2nd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
🚨︎ report
My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back...

A nurse asked her what's wrong, and my wife screamed, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shook her head and said, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

My wife's face contorted in pain as she shouted, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.

"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
He's ready

Operator: 911 what's your emergency

Dad: My wife's going into labor, I don't know what to do

Operator: Is this her first born?

Dad: No this is her husband

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriendOfMandela
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked by a girl graduating to become a labor and delivery nurse

Her graduation cap read: "L&D nurse, at your cervix"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bi9gB1rd
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
🚨︎ report
What is a pregnant person’s favorite holiday?

Labor Day.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustCheezits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
911 What’s your emergency

My wife’s going into labor

Is this her first born

No this is her husband

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OatSauce65
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Decided to tell my parents some good news with a dad joke

"So, do you have to work on Labor Day this year?"

"No, we both have off."

"Did you hear they're changing it next year?"

"What?"

"Yeah, they're moving it to April."

Looks of confusion

"At least that's what my doctor said."

The dawning of comprehension on their faces, then big smiles and hugs!

..... Btw, I am a woman. I didn't specify in the post, but the context clue would be "MY doctor." I was just raised on sarcasm and corny jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bonnieisstillhot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke of the Century

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Dad: My wife's going into labor, and I don't know what to do.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Dad: No, this is her husband

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
To refer to all women as bitches isn't just a blanket statement, it's a broad generalization
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddydomino
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my son on the day of his first child's birth

My granddaughter was recently born, and she is, of course, perfection incarnate. However, the night she was born, I got my son.

We had left his girlfriend's hospital room where she was in labor (14 1/2 hours!) to get some coffee. As we did so, I gave him some fatherly advice.

Me: Son, you know how everyone acts like all babies are beautiful?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Well, you and I both know that it's not true. There are some ugly babies out there. Now, I am not saying yours is going to be, I am sure she's going to be fine, but just in case...

Him: Yes?

Me: You know those signs at some bathrooms that say "Baby Changing Station"? Just stick her in there, close the lid...

Him: OMG, Dad, shut the fuck up!

Me: <literally tapdancing away>

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daneelthesane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife just told me to not make any jokes whilst she's actually giving birth.

I said I'd avoid any laboured puns.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wonkemu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
🚨︎ report
My pregnant wife will only ever tell one dad joke

Because in labor is only time she is kidding

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rbirnie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My job was over after the thesaurus company went out of business...

I lost my employment, position, job... Will labor, toil, work for nutriment, provender, edibles.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Operator: 911 What's your emergency?

Responder: My wife's going into labor.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Responder: No, this is her husband.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daayum69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
When the midwives all went on strike...

Couples had labor pains.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A man calls an Operator...

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Man: My wife's going into labor and I don't know what to do.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Man : No.. This is her husband.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a fish works as a blacksmith?

Gilled labor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notfawcett
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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My third son was born yesterday morning, 3 weeks early.

The nurse, my wife, and my mom discussing how he "came so early"

I interject with "I guess you could say he has a problem with, premature evacuation"

To my surprise they all actually laughed hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_little_too_late
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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Calling all DadJokers!

Hey there!

I'm an avid dad joker, and it looks like within 24 hours I'll finally be a dad myself. Throughout the pregnancy, I've had a blast making jokes about womb temperature, and ultrasounds making her a womb with a view.

Now is where I need your assistance. I've been expressly forbidden from making any jokes during the labor process, which means I am of course going to make jokes.

Got any great pregnancy/labor/new baby jokes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_perfect_sonnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
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Inspired by Circumcision Story

After reading the circumcision story from u/Oemus2776 this morning, I was reminded of how little the nurses at my wife’s first birth appreciated my comedic stylings.

My wife was in labor and the nurse came in to check the dilation of the cervix. She had her hand under the sheet and said, β€œalright now, I’m just feeling for change.” I replied, β€œwell you’re in luck! I found two dimes and a quarter in there just yesterday!”

Crickets...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrNanny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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Bad time for a joke, dad.

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Responder: My wife's going into labor and I don't know what to do!

Operator: Is this her first born?

Responder: No, this is her husband..

Saw this on IG and instantly thought of this sub. Hope you got a laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frenchy559
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
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To all those first time mothers today

Happy Labor Day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenofire
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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J.K. Rowling is writing a new children’s book

It’s about sea birds forming a labor union. The title is β€˜Cormorant Strike.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Saw this on r/funny and thought it belonged here: Operator: 911 What's your emergency?

Operator: 911 What's your emergency?

Responder: My wife is going into labor, I don't know what to do.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Responder: No this is her husband.

Op: u/HeavenPotato

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banisher10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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I think dads automatically gain access to a dadjoke reservoir the moment they become dads...

My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.

When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:

"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloudyWithRain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/respectively288
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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During labor, the nurse asked my wife, β€œHow about Epidural Anesthesia?”

I said, β€œThanks, but we already picked a name.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Me: My wife's going into labor, I don't know what to do. Operator: Is this her firstborn? Me: No, this is her husband.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phasyo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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