Do you know why ancient egyptians had such a hard time recruiting laborers?

It was a pyramid scheme

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Erikjb12
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldnโ€™t! wouldnโ€™t! couldnโ€™t! didnโ€™t! canโ€™t! The doctor says "don't worry."

โ€œThose are just contractions.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VVIIVVI
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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My wife was going into labor and kept frantically shouting, "Call me an ambulance! Call me an ambulance!"

So I said, "You're an ambulance."

What a strange thing to say

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/icemage27
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.

She was having a midwife crisis.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Joesdad65
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didnโ€™t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...

It must have been the delivery...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What labor camps do zombies go to?

Ghoul-logs

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KadynDraws
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€. She screamed. โ€œThese contractions are going to kill me!!โ€

โ€œI am sorry, honey,โ€ I replied. โ€œWhat is wrong?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.

I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Anynamethatworks
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.

So it was only a minor minor miner issue.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shargus_live
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didnโ€™t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless Iโ€™ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today sheโ€™s in labor with our fourth and Iโ€™ve finally got her laughing...

I think Iโ€™ve really improved the delivery!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Po1sonator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.

Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/exaball
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Not cool Dad...not cool

So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...

IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stneutron
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."

My first official dad joke.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! Iโ€™ll be putting this in my little oneโ€™s Reddit Scholarship Fund!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gaudiocomplex
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.

I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Calthropstu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.

Thatโ€™s how excited I was to see my little brother.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Where do you take someone whoโ€™s been injured in a peak-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AlabamaMayan
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2020
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A woman in labor started shouting, โ€œShouldnโ€™t, wouldnโ€™t, canโ€™t donโ€™t.โ€ The doctor turned to the husband and said,

โ€œDonโ€™t worry, theyโ€™re only contractions.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/labink
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Me: My wife is going into labor! Operator: Is this her first child?

Me: No itโ€™s her husband......

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bringbackwestrenbbq
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, โ€œShouldnโ€™t! Wouldnโ€™t! Couldnโ€™t! Didnโ€™t! Canโ€™t!โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t worry,โ€ said the doc. โ€œThose are just contractions.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 488
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Anthonybrose
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didnโ€™t seem amused...

I guess it was the delivery!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 210
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When my mom was in labor she suddenly shouted โ€œShouldnโ€™t! Wouldnโ€™t! Couldnโ€™t! Didnโ€™t! Canโ€™t!โ€

My dad said to the doctor, โ€œdonโ€™t worry those are just contractionsโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cool-kid103
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/respectively288
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?

Because thatโ€™s the babyโ€™s crowning achievement.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/surgicalfunnel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor

But I messed up the delivery.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/farrukhsshah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 305
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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A lady was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

The doctor said to the husband, "don't get too alarmed... She's just having contractions."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
One line Labor Day jokes

Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
It works for me!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tfraymond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Happy Labor Day to all the moms out there. We appreciate you!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dubeykeebler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?

Labor & delivery at your cervix!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
REQUEST: Dads, Lend me your strength!

What are your best dad jokes for the maternity visit? The baby is days away and I need an arsenal for these here finger guns (โ˜ž๏พŸใƒฎ๏พŸ)โ˜ž

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jeromaroo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I had a joke about Labor Day...

unfortunately it didnโ€™t work out

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Frankenhiemer12
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.

They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/handcraftnullpacket
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
[request] my wife will be going into labor soon.

Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/supergnaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call chores you do at a church?

Emmanuel labor

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/crysalis8
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My favorite thing about being born on labor day

Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yaoi_boi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Happy Labor day to all the moms out there. We appreciate everything you went through!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 141
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dubeykeebler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, โ€œHow about epidural anesthesia?โ€

I said, โ€œThanks, but we already picked a name.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?

They were strike anywhere.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PM_ME_UR_BENCHYS
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife decided today would be a good day for her water to break.

It's Labor Day.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bobskimo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.

We named him Carson.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WijoWolf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
While all physical labor jobs are hard on your body...

...Coal miners really get the shaft.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Androidsunrise
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
While my wife was in labor, I told her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she wasn't amusedโ€ฆ

It must have been the deliveryโ€ฆ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When is the most appropriate time to deliver a child?

Labor Day

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/riversquid
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is Hercules' favorite holiday?

Labor Day

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ripster26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'm driving my wife to the hospital since shes in labor, Unfortunately she gives birth in the car to a baby boy.

I named him Carson

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/turkey221
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/respectively288
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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