The Beatles were anxious that their name might turn off pun enthusiasts.
βCause insects puns really bug them...
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Feb 16 2020
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
ποΈ 14k
π
οΈ Dec 16 2020
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
ποΈ 372
π
οΈ Feb 01 2021
Canβt believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
ποΈ 57
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
My wife told me sheβll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Iβm not too worried, I think sheβs jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
ποΈ 520
π
οΈ Dec 23 2020
Pulled this off on my friend Lmao
ποΈ 5k
π
οΈ Oct 29 2020
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
ποΈ 67
π
οΈ Jan 05 2021
A German boy pushes his brother off a cliff.
ποΈ 359
π
οΈ Jan 10 2021
What happens when a grenade goes off in a French bathroom?
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Feb 01 2021
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his kid off at school?
ποΈ 42
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
I broke a key off my keyboard yesterday...
ποΈ 30
π
οΈ Jan 26 2021
My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.
ποΈ 42
π
οΈ Jan 25 2021
A man has been stealing wheels off police cars
The police are working tirelessly to catch him
ποΈ 79
π
οΈ Jan 19 2021
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
ποΈ 326
π
οΈ Dec 05 2020
Off work today. You could say I'm... All Dressed Up and nowhere to go
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Jan 17 2021
My friend had the left side of his body ripped off in an accident.
But the doctor said heβll be all right.
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Jan 17 2021
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
ποΈ 37
π
οΈ Jan 11 2021
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 10 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 02 2021
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
ποΈ 102
π
οΈ Dec 30 2020
My father just dropped off a wok he didnβt need.
He texted me to warn me that it was an old school, analog wok, not an Ewok.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Jan 23 2021
Big rip-off
ποΈ 47
π
οΈ Jan 06 2021
Just deleted all the German contacts off my phone.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Jan 15 2021
I just tried scraping ice off my windscreen with a loyalty card....
I only managed to get 20% off.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jan 29 2021
Just blew the sugar off my doughnut...
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 30 2021
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 30 2021
What did the ear of corn say when it's clothes fell off?
Aw, shucks!
Credit: Bo Burnham
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Jan 29 2021
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. Theyβve been keeping me off the streets for years.
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
When I get home my wife's underwear is coming straight off...
They're cutting right into my hips.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jan 14 2021
I was playing a zombie game last night, and sliced off the left side of a zombie
It scared my wife pretty bad.
I assured her heβs all right.
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Jan 12 2021
What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jan 25 2021
(OC) What's it called when a Scandinavian falls off a cliff into the sea?
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Jan 21 2021
Thereβs two morons on a boat. One of the morons is larger. The larger moron falls off. Why?
The little one was a little more on.
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 21 2021
How do you get down off an elephant?
You donβt. You get down off a duck.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Dec 30 2020
Someone stole the tires off a police car
Theyβre working tirelessly to catch them
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Dec 22 2020
Pulled off a real-life-one, i guess...
Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.
so here goes...
(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)
daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?
me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?
daughter: elizabeth-gramma.
me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?
(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)
daughter: don't know, who?
me: my mum.
(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
ποΈ 30
π
οΈ Dec 10 2020
What do you call a president that you quickly turn off and on?
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Dec 31 2020
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Jul 30 2020
Just caught COVID off my cat
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 19 2021
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff
ποΈ 104
π
οΈ Dec 17 2020
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off an auditoriums walls to surround the audience, however
The sound from a pigeon does not, because a coo sticks.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
ποΈ 47
π
οΈ Dec 21 2020
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
ποΈ 40
π
οΈ Dec 03 2020
How do you get an art history major off your front porch ?
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 16 2021
January sales - 50% off all medieval torture devices.
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Jan 07 2021
A buffalo dropped his boy off at school and said...
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Jan 04 2021
How do you get Down off an Elephant?
You donβt, you get Down off a Duck
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Dec 23 2020
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