Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
My wife told me sheβll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Iβm not too worried, I think sheβs jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. Theyβve been keeping me off the streets for years.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Someone stole the tires off a police car
Theyβre working tirelessly to catch them
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Why does rockstar, Brian Johnson go to the US capital to cool off?
Because there's an AC in DC.
(Someone improve this joke.)
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Why do so many people break off addictions the day after Thanksgiving?
There's a lot of cold turkey to go around.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I took some money off the wallβ¦
Now I hear my roommate saying, "Where's wall dough?"
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I donβt know what I did to the wind to piss it off
It always seems to be against me lately
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︎ Dec 16 2020
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She kept running from the ball.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Did you hear about the man who got his left part cut off?
DonΒ΄t worry, heΒ΄s alright now
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Why did the Mexican alcohol manufacturer chuck his wife off a cliff?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine."
I said, "Are you a vet?"
To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...
...she said "you love those dogs more than me".
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︎ Dec 04 2020
did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body cut off?
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︎ Nov 29 2020
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?
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︎ Nov 09 2020
What did the Turkey say after its leg got bitten off
βLost my leg in βnomβ
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".
She said "I don't understand.....".
I said " UN-PAUSE".
I had to explain it to her...
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Talking with my brother: βHey remember when we would see how far we could jump off the staircase?β
βThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra stepsβ
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︎ Dec 15 2020
When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off
they said I have a great sense of tumour
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︎ Nov 23 2020
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Why does the owl turn off it's phone at night?
So it doesn't get any hooty calls.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Why was the writer kicked off of the movie set?
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︎ Nov 15 2020
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying heβd walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around, eventually.
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︎ May 17 2020
What did the dad buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off to school?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Where do veggies go after they get off the airplane?
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What did Apple call the small country they bought off the coast of Wales?
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︎ Nov 24 2020
If you took the shell off a snail...
Would it be faster...
Or abit sluggish?
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︎ Nov 18 2020
The wedding went off without a hitch.
The groom stormed off and all the guests started fighting.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
The bomb didn't want to go off.
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︎ Jul 02 2020
A pun that really flows off the tongue
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︎ Oct 03 2020
To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted.
I hope you face time soon.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Taking the shell off a snail wouldn't make it faster...
... It would make it more sluggish
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 19 2020
What did the father buffalo say to his kid while dropping him off at school?
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 10 2020
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