In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,

β€œthank you for your cervix.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rusto_Dusto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My Mother-in-law is 80% Irish

People call her Iris.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimvandashian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.

She said, "It's reindeer."

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call a short mother

a minimum

πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssjallen
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Did ya hear about the fetus that killed their mother

They say it was an inside job

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeschmoetoday
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom thanked me for coming to visit for Mother’s Day.

I said β€œthanks for having me.”

πŸ‘︎ 355
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sellwinerugs
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I never cuddled my mother as a child

Because she didn't give birth to me until she was an adult.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting β€œDrink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again β€œDrink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said β€œHe should have quit while he was a head”

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I made my mother's French sister angry

Now she's a cross aunt

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
When I growing up, my mother served gruel every morning.

I guess you could say breakfast was always a soupy rice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThusSpokeGaba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
🚨︎ report
When is Mother’s Day?

9 months after Father’s Day......

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayGun381937
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Mother's day joke, accidental but hilarious

I asked my husband if he knew any Italian words, He told me "My wife is bellissimo"

I told him, "That's beautiful"

Happy mother's day!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashrobin45
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I forgot to make something for mother's day

So I made her angry

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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Dad joke but.. I'm a mother..

What Job did Beethoven get after he died?

He decomposed.

πŸ‘︎ 300
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adolfin4ever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a mother in law

Lipstick

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Fox1984
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

But she was wrong. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Gonna Start Dressing Like Genghis Khan When I Date Single Mothers.

Gotta show that I'm a good Steppe Father.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OranMilne
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Mother said, β€œYou won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.”

Kid said, β€œOh ya…..Just you wait.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My mother told me a billion times.....

Don't exaggerate!!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...

... because I'm a smart a**

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidkDavid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my mother explained me that I couldn't eat a cheese sandwich because I'm lactose intolerant.

But I just couldn't completely digest it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaygames_sowhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Indian kid say to his mother before he left the house?

Mumbai.

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iOSSwiftDeveloper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m not calling your mother a thief but...

I saw her snatch.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baewulf_42069
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What's it called when your mothers sister is upset?

A croissant...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeaTreeWillow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My mother told me she was abandoning the family to go across the world and study yoga. I had only one thing to say to her:

Namaste.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StringTraveler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What does the mother brush say to her overly excited kids ?

Comb down

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeetMyPeePee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.

The dispatcher replied, β€œSo... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,

on Sonday.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife texted, "I can't stand my mother."

So I replied, "Try laying her down."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuffPuffPassHomie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NationYell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

Go to sweep, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: β€œOh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: β€œWhy? What’d she tell you?”

Me: β€œI don’t know, I wasn’t listening”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?

Too much MUMbling

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....

....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...

And he said, β€œBecause your mother is always right.”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"

"Because you're using his plate."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?

"I've had it with your altitude"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levivilla4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?

Eleph-aunt

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Ostrich2974
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short mother?

minimum

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AD2403
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tiny mother?

A minimum!

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feveroth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short mother with no clothes on?

Bare minimum

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Farshief
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out identity theft is a crime

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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