In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
My Mother-in-law is 80% Irish
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
what do you call a short mother
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
Did ya hear about the fetus that killed their mother
They say it was an inside job
My mom thanked me for coming to visit for Mother’s Day.
I said “thanks for having me.”
I never cuddled my mother as a child
Because she didn't give birth to me until she was an adult.
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him.
On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink.
Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!”
His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink”
He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
I made my mother's French sister angry
When I growing up, my mother served gruel every morning.
I guess you could say breakfast was always a soupy rice.
When is Mother’s Day?
9 months after Father’s Day......
Mother's day joke, accidental but hilarious
I asked my husband if he knew any Italian words,
He told me "My wife is bellissimo"
I told him, "That's beautiful"
Happy mother's day!
I forgot to make something for mother's day
Dad joke but.. I'm a mother..
What Job did Beethoven get after he died?
He decomposed.
What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a mother in law
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
But she was wrong. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Gonna Start Dressing Like Genghis Khan When I Date Single Mothers.
Gotta show that I'm a good Steppe Father.
Mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.”
Kid said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.”
My mother told me a billion times.....
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...
... because I'm a smart a**
Yesterday my mother explained me that I couldn't eat a cheese sandwich because I'm lactose intolerant.
But I just couldn't completely digest it.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother before he left the house?
I’m not calling your mother a thief but...
What's it called when your mothers sister is upset?
My mother told me she was abandoning the family to go across the world and study yoga. I had only one thing to say to her:
What does the mother brush say to her overly excited kids ?
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
My wife texted, "I can't stand my mother."
So I replied, "Try laying her down."
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....
....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"
"Because you're using his plate."
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?
What do you call a short mother?
What do you call a tiny mother?
What do you call a short mother with no clothes on?
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
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