Mom's Day Puns

I said “thanks for having me.”

Turned out they already had the auntybodies.

Nuts or no nuts?

"And then we'll see."

I wonder what she saw in him

I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”

So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.

So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.

I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."

I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.

Mom: Milk day?.... O honey you mean Martin Luther King Day! He was a famous civil rights leader.

Kid: O yea I know him! He said “I have a dream”

Dad: yes, “I have a dream that one day milk and chocolate milk will live in harmony.”

Actual conversation last night

So I hear my niece running around in our house and also a dog running around with her and was immediately confused wondering why she and a dog were just running up and down the hallway. Then I went to see what was happening and she was playing fetch with the dog. So I asked my mom, "then why was she running? Is she simply so stupid that she throws a thing and tries to fetch it herself because for a second there she forgot whether she was the dog or the person?" To which my mom replied, "it wouldn't be farfetched. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) " ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

We sorted sorta sordid sodas.

Son, you'll understand soon enough. It's just her ovary acting.

Her friend had come along with us to the buffet and was eating something that I can't quite remember now, but she ends up asking "where is the duck sauce?" To which my mom, without even skipping a beat, blurted out the following words with not a single emotion on her face, "probably next to the quackers". I almost choked on my food I was laughing so hard. Love you mom

My mother was complaining about how she has to do so much cooking, cleaning, and other house chores. My dad was trying to calm her down when she blurts out "What do I look like? Cinderella?" I saw the opening and pounced on it. "Well if the shoe fits" I said. The glorious feeling as she groaned at how bad it was while my dad laughed was so satisfying. My future children will stand no chance.

She replied, "Yeah, I heard it snore a couple of times."

So i was watching Thor with my mom's boyfriend and its at the part when Thor gets his hammer back and kicks up dust and such. He creates the huge tornado and my mom says, "Look it's a tornado!" Then mom's boyfriend says,"That's not a tornado, that's a THORnado!" Groans all around but i chuckled.

I was out at dinner with my family, and this popped into my head. So i ask "do dogs ever leave?". My family is looking at me pretty confused at this point."of course not. They embark. " sister and mom shake their heads, my dad merely chuckles.

https://imgur.com/a/kFtji

To which I replied: "Hmph. Somebody must have whacked it."

Girlfriend rolled her eyes so hard she must have seen her brain.

This is your day too. Now brush up on some #dadjokes!

Context to the story: My mom is getting some work done in her backyard. Trees are being removed and they are digging to put an in ground pool in.

Story: Mom and I are driving back from an outing for Mother's Day. We are talking about the back yard and the work getting done.

Mom: When the pool gets put in I'll be dirt poor.

Me: But right now you're dirt rich!

Mom:look of disappointment

Mom: All you do is sit on the computer!

Me: No Mom, I sit on the chair.

Me: today in gym class I went into the weight room

Mom: How long did you wait?

And by that I mean your Mom is going to get ice cream.... a sundae, get it

Sitting in the backyard on a beautiful Mother's Day evening, the topic turned to our church organist who is absolutely awful and serves as the source of much pain and humor for my family.

Dad: After all these years you would think he would be able to play at least one song without a mistake.

Mom: In his defense, the pay is almost nonexistent. It's basically volunteer. So his heart is in the right place. pause His fingers just aren't!

Belly laughs all around. She was bright red laughing at her own joke. Well deserved.

"Come look, I just saw snoo!"

What's snoo?

"Nothing much, what's snoo with you?"

Mom was talking about weight loss issues she was having and said to my father: "Well, your BMI is lower than mine now."

Dad looked at me and said: "BMI? Bowel Movement Index?"

Me: "And it's lower than mom's, which we kind of knew any way because she's full of shit."

my mother had made me a sandwhich for lunch while i was busy and it tasted great! Me: What did you make this with (referring to the ingredients) Mom: My hands Me: ..... right.