THE GRAM CRACKER IS A LIE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johntwit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram

I was like 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....

I was like 0mg!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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What do you call a miscellaneous pile of marshmallows, chocolate, and gram-crackers?

A Smoregasbord

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastedSoaps
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Why didn’t USA switch from pounds to grams?

Because of mass outrage.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slashmatt-the-cat
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Insta grams
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thats-MEan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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I put my grandma's no. On speed dail, I call it insta-gram
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj_arora_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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A gram of...
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chesterstevens
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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I put on a show about grams. It was a mass production
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leo6846
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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What weighs 1000 grams, smells like cheese and flaps its wings ferociously to stay in one place?

a kilobrie

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beastofburping
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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White people who use Instagram are Gram Crackers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lossftw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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Why are grams afraid of the Metric system?

Because they kilogram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
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Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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What's a thousand times better than Instagram?

Instakilogram.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MolecularPotato
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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What’s heavier a gallon of water of a gallon of butane?

Water because butane is a lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 369
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Necromorph_607
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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Guess it belongs here
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweetSeagul
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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How much does a nursing home weigh?

Tons of grams

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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What do you call a small mother ?

A minimum

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Imagine what would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AYKW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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Did you know that the Wizard of Oz had a brother ?

His name is Gram

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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There's a holographic version of Pablo Escobar touring the world he tried to sell me a G, but I declined...

I knew it would just be a hollow gram.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Don't order the carat cake at a jewlers' convention

The quality is excellent, but the serving size is only 0.2 grams

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/veryruralNE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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Chainsaws

A brilliant man created a new chainsaw that only required 5 grams of sodium chloride and just one AA battery to work. It was charged with a salt and battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5Dimensional
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?

Gram positive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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How I proposed to my girlfriend today

Me: knock knock.
Her: who's there?
Me: Mary.
Her: Mary who?
Me: Marry Me.

Edit: she did say yes

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearjew60
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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I have my grandma on speed dial

I call it: InstaGram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lacsantos91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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What unit of measurement does a serial killer use to weigh its victims ?

Kill-o-grams !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WinterDad32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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How do you weigh an influencer?

In instaGrams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaylPone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What do they call a grandma that’s quick to respond?

...an InstaGram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alltime75
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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What do you call an old white lady

Gram cracker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyBigNips25
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Good ol' times...

Small and outdated instrument of... Mass communication????

Tele-gram

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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I hear IT people are the main reason the US has not switched to metric

So many people who are pro gram amongst them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Wife’s grandma asks, β€œSo, how’d you sleep?”

Me, β€œWith my eyes closed!”

Grams, β€œIt’s too early in the morning to do this”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kekesupreme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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What fo you call an underweight skeleton?

A skeleGRAM

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyChilly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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Name my webapp: Golf + code = ?

My team is looking for a name for our coding golf web app. The idea is to solve a problem in as few characters of code as possible and we need a code-golf pun for the brand name. We will credit the user if we choose their pun, of course.

Happy punning!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KonkilA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
🚨︎ report
I put my grandma on speed dial

For some reason, my phone calls it insta-gram

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caj28
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
If weight of an object is measured in kilograms, weight of an image is measured in....

Insta-gram

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StonedRiverBridge
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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I put my grandma on speed dial...

I call it Insta-gram.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellyandKen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 377
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YostYost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg!

πŸ‘︎ 655
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuglytofunky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram

I was like 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 351
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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