No “pain” no gain …
In Boston it means you can't drive
If I liked it, I should've put a ring on it
The steaks are just too high.
Track-tion
Also, at-traction.
Teacher: “If acceleration is constant, we get all these really nice formulas. If acceleration is not constant, the math gets messy.”
Me: “You might say that for ruining the math, it’s being a jerk.”
It was a relief
Like, you gain inheritance, you lose your dad.
Would you be making up for lost time?
As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y
Defeet.
...after all, you're reaching the end of Europe.
Because they were torqued in Fig-Newton meters
So I took down his confederate flag.
Disgruntled
Hamnesia
I know I’m bacon to be roasted for that joke.
"It's fine. I back it up every morning!", he replied. 🚗
Everyone took him for granite.
He goes to a retail store.
In other words, there's no point locking the table store when the norse has molted.
(From the late great Tim Brooke-Taylor)
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
A retail store!
Be positive.
"What's this?" he asks. "The Matador Special, Senor," the waiter replies. "What meat is it?" the man asks. "Cojones," the waiter explains, "They are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted. But he is the adventurous sort, so he decides to give it a try. To his surprise, he finds the meat delicious. In fact, it is so good that the next day he goes to the same restaurant again, and once again orders the specialty of the day. Again he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate, and this time it tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same, and the fourth. But on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, but this time they bring him two much smaller round meaty objects.
"What's this?" he asks the waiter. "The Matador Special, senor," the waiter replies. "No, no," the man objects, "I had the Matador Special the last few days, and it was much bigger than this."
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not always lose."
Then it's still fun and games, just without depth perception.
A mid-wife crisis!
I can’t have it until I lose some weight.
They lose control and the coffin speeds down a hill towards a ravine.
One of the friends has an idea and pulls out a bottle of Benadryl and drinks it.
The coffin stops.
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There was Diarrhea, but few are showing up at the theaters to watch it because movie pirates leaked it and it came out early.
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Constipation gave me writer's block, so it hasn't come out yet.
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I'm losing my mind trying to write Insanity.
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Copulation was a success, but I still haven't gotten paid. So I was screwed.
Because they dead lift all the time
It's royalty free.
I can't tell you how long I spent looking for it.
Me: are they multiplying?
Haven’t made my dad laugh in so long, guess it’s time I have a kid
Because it was fired.
Because it was fired
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
