Why wonβt Trump be able enter the White House on January 21st?
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
Heβll do anything for a buck.
π︎ 53
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
π︎ 220
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Did you hear Boba Fett was able to time travel?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
π︎ 448
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
My weird talent is always being able to tell whatβs in a wrapped present.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
My son thinks I'm so cool for being able to talk like Cookie Monster and Elmo.
I guess you could say I have Sesame Street cred.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
No one at my party was able to break the clown piΓ±ata.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
π︎ 92
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Once you start spreading lube on a child's slide, you won't be able to stop.
π︎ 82
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
Why was toilet paper wasn't able cross the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
I wasn't able to carry my case.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 09 2020
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
π︎ 47
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
Conspiracy theorists will never be able to find the true story of the coronavirus' origins...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
The doctor told me I probably wonβt be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
π︎ 92
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Why aren't people in Norway able to purchase anything?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
Blind people are not able to eat fish...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
We may not be able to seat you inside just now but we can supply some terrible puns.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
I havenβt been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out heβs just been sheltering in place.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Well, next year we'll be able to say
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...
But it was in rough shape.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
Why were the decepticons not able to divide the Autobots?
Because the autobots had Optimus Prime
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghettiβ¦
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
Why are dogs able to swim so well?
They have a Good Boyancy chamber
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...
...GeneralLee they werenβt fast enough
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
Iβm not sure Iβll be able to watch Narcos the same ever again
π︎ 59
π
︎ May 22 2020
Unfortunately, Superman wonβt be able to fight Dracula this evening...
He wonβt go near the crypt tonight.
π︎ 199
π
︎ Mar 28 2020
People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!!
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 22 2020
It has been a while since I was able to go see my barber...
...so I invited him to comb over to my house.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
I am asking the last person that was able to ask Regis Philbin a question to please come forward.
I have to know what his final answer was.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
I thought I would never be able to sing along with other person
But, in the end, I was able to duet.
π︎ 27
π
︎ May 25 2020
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you shouldβve seen her face when I rode pasta
π︎ 68
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
Like most people, I was able to recite the entire alphabet from a young age. But then I became an ordained minister.
I now pronounce U man and wife.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 19 2020
Haven't been able to find the channel changer in a few days
It must be in a remote location
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 09 2020
My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
