Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
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︎ Nov 22 2020
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
π︎ 444
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
π︎ 92
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Once you start spreading lube on a child's slide, you won't be able to stop.
π︎ 81
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Why was toilet paper wasn't able cross the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack
π︎ 11
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
Conspiracy theorists will never be able to find the true story of the coronavirus' origins...
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Why aren't people in Norway able to purchase anything?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Blind people are not able to eat fish...
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 07 2020
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
π︎ 48
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
Well, next year we'll be able to say
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Why were the decepticons not able to divide the Autobots?
Because the autobots had Optimus Prime
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π
︎ Sep 28 2020
I havenβt been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out heβs just been sheltering in place.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...
But it was in rough shape.
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 08 2020
The doctor told me I probably wonβt be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
π︎ 91
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
We may not be able to seat you inside just now but we can supply some terrible puns.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
I wasn't able to carry my case.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 09 2020
Why are dogs able to swim so well?
They have a Good Boyancy chamber
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 27 2020
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghettiβ¦
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...
...GeneralLee they werenβt fast enough
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 23 2020
People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 18 2020
Iβm not sure Iβll be able to watch Narcos the same ever again
π︎ 56
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︎ May 22 2020
Unfortunately, Superman wonβt be able to fight Dracula this evening...
He wonβt go near the crypt tonight.
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︎ Mar 28 2020
I am asking the last person that was able to ask Regis Philbin a question to please come forward.
I have to know what his final answer was.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!!
π︎ 16
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︎ May 22 2020
It has been a while since I was able to go see my barber...
...so I invited him to comb over to my house.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
I thought I would never be able to sing along with other person
But, in the end, I was able to duet.
π︎ 25
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︎ May 25 2020
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
Like most people, I was able to recite the entire alphabet from a young age. But then I became an ordained minister.
I now pronounce U man and wife.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 19 2020
Haven't been able to find the channel changer in a few days
It must be in a remote location
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 09 2020
My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you shouldβve seen her face when I rode pasta
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π
︎ Apr 02 2020
I was able to finally make my baked dough come to life, but it was clumsy...
π︎ 4
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︎ May 24 2020
I have a degree in musical theatre. I may not be able to solve a complex math problem but..
I can solve a problem like Maria.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 21 2020
Recently I lost my little Corgi. I havenβt been able to find him.
I guess he went incorgnito.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 05 2020
I'm not able to hold 5 gallons of gasoline in me...
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 16 2020
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 29 2020
I've always been able to talk to dogs.
I mean they don't understand me or anything, but still.
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 24 2020
A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house.
One day a storm flooded the area with seawater and damaged his home... now he's in a pickle.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
Took me awhile, but I was finally able to get my hands in some Iranian money for my coin collection!
I'm rial-ly developing a respectable collection, lemme tell ya!
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 05 2020
The beginning of the book is so sad that I've just been able to cry for years...
But I think it's time to turn the page.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 30 2020
I respect the people who are able to sit and stay at home during these times.
π︎ 16
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︎ Apr 01 2020
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