If.... Puns

(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)

1. No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.

2. The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.

3. If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.

4. Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.

5. You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.

6. If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.

7. When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...

For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.

...you might be dyslexic

"Ah still love Vista Baby....."

I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️

..do you just get exhausted ?

....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

Somewheeere over the rainbow...

Absolutely nothing.

She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".

K9P

A Stormtrooper.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I said no I didn’t know he could.

It's not like it's the end of the world.

But then I saw her face

Then you will de-feet him

Pilgrims..

is killing a friend homiecide

Because you have a Tutankhamun.

Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.

"... BODY once told me..."

...does that mean that every country is a third-world country?

There would be mass confusion

Would the guy who welcomes new members still be called an inductor?

Probably scratching the inside of her coffin.....

.. skydiving is not for you

then Who is.

Is this a trick question?

UB40 now

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

Gay. Very gay

You get a handshake

That’s the punch line.

Call an egg-sorcist

I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."

... is it still considered a beef?

Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.

Then a belt that has a diagram of the solar system must be a waist of space.

No, he covered his tracks.

(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

Is that considered a Ginger Snap???

They're seasoned veterans

The Swallow.

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

I said, “I think most kids smell that way!”

Pilgrims