If— Puns

(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)

1. No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.

2. The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.

3. If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.

4. Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.

5. You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.

6. If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.

7. When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...

For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.

I said no I didn’t know he could.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Is this a trick question?

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

"No, I always dress like this", I replied.

...an ether/oar situation...

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”

“I play a little guitar!"

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

I’d have $8.40.

...it’s a matter of wife or death.

Noble gases have no reaction.

It's a faux pa.

Would it now be an Edison?

...I’m all ears.

A space heater.

Then soviet.

All You Need Is Lunch

Do You Believe In Life After Lunch

Lunch In An Elevator

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

K9P

It was quite the competion, to say the least.

Arse skin for a friend.

"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

Because it’s capsized.

my birthday would be 24/7

I said okay... Bi den.

I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

You buy it from the cat-alogue

You get them VERY ANGRY

You were built upside down.

You’re welcome.

I had to get a running start but I made it!

It’s an LGBT Queue

would I be mist?

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

It's SPAM

They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles!

Neosporin.

So from today I'm detergent to be better.

I said ‘to be honest I didn’t even know he played cricket’.

...I’m all ears.