My DJ Friend helped me pack my stuff and move.
I told him he's a sound guy.
Cigarettes after sex helped me....
A play by Shaquille O’Neal helped physicists discover a new phenomenon
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
I am convinced that my friend helped someone steal one of my gloves.
He definitely had a hand in it.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
My son helped me out with this one. What do doors spread on their toast?
Jamb.
Thanks u/rerunthedj
Today I helped a blind man
What helped the prostitute mend their ways?
They studied horticulture
Did you know that Matthew McConaughey helped design the delivery route software for UPS?
There’s no left turns so it’s alright alright alright.
I helped my friend Richard relocate
He said it was a Dick move
Don't recommend you to watch this video. It barely helped me.
My friend helped me get into beekeeping. He gave me some to get me started.
He said they were freebees.
I couldn’t decide on how much lettuce to buy, until my wife helped me think it through.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I have a cyst on my back and my wife helped me drain it. She won the pun war that night.
It really helped me through a dark time in my life
Jokes like these helped me get through chemo back in 2012
What did the mathematician say to the other mathematician who helped him solve a problem?
I threw a party tor all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an
entrance.
Ska music helped prepare me for fatherhood
All I say all day is "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up"
I was confused and lost at college, not knowing which building my classes were in. An Asian woman helped me find my way tho...
This book certainly helped through some hard times
My girlfriend was having rough morning getting ready for class... I don't think I helped
So my girlfriend and I are both in college and I'm at her dorm waiting for her to get ready for class. She takes off her glasses and starts looking through her drawer when she says "Aw why did I do this to myself? I ran out of contacts"
I go "Babe, if it's more friends that you need, we can go out tonight and meet new people"
After the usual eye roll she goes "No I wanna see"
To which I reply, "Why would you want a C? I'm shooting for at least a B or an A in all of my classes"
That was probably the heaviest sigh I've ever heard from her
I helped my uncle Jack off his horse.
I’d need to call the doctor that helped delivered me just to tell him...
“Thanks for helping me out.”
I helped my kid put his caterpillar on a parsley plant
The plant is now parsley consumed.
I helped this lady turn on a lamp she couldn't reach...
It was the highlight of my day
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.
Apparently Peter Frampton helped create Adobe Acrobat
And that's why they're called Petey-Fs
Helped my daughter make a pillow fort.
Me: We've got enough pillows to make a fivet.
Kid: What's a fivet?
Me: It's a little bigger than a fort; half the size of a tent.
We thought the priests and ghost hunters finally helped us get rid of the annoying ghost that would move our laundry detergent around in our laundry room the past year.
But then, this morning, I walked into the laundry room again and saw the Tides had turned.
So my boss helped a black gentleman with his car troubles the other day...
There is this black guy who details cars in our parking lot for the surrounding businesses. My boss was coming back from lunch and noticed this gentleman needed help starting his client's car, so my boss got his cables out and gave the man a jump. When he told the office this I said "Thank you for putting an end to the stereotype that white men can't jump." Everyone gave a collective "ugh!"
The Olympics have helped me channel my inner dad...
(You're entering the conversation when it really matters)
Me: Oh nice, so did you spend time watching the Olympics?
Friend: No, I don't really watch the olympics that much actually.
Me: Same here...I only watch it every four years...
My wife asked if I helped my kids wash their hands
Helped my son get my wife
Me: "What does a horse say?"
4 y/o: "Neigh!"
Me: "Horses are neigh-sayers?"
4 y/o: "Yup." Runs into the other room. "Horses are neigh-sayers!" (Laughs hysterically)
Wife, not impressed: "What are you teaching him?"
He arrived mysteriously. He helped, performed miracles, died, got resurrected, and went back to the heavens.
E.T. (1982) A Hollywood classic
Helped my dad move a piano keyboard
He asked my two younger brothers to take one side and he took the other. He asked me to take the stand. I asked him why he didnt want me to lift.
"Son, there comes a time in every man's life where he must take a stand."
I helped my dad with some roofing today, and I think that the house had chicken pox when it was younger,
because now it has shingles.
Helped my wife with a few of the labels for some homemade hand scrub and lip balm she made as Xmas presents.
I couldn’t decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I couldn’t decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think it through.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
