My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
My son was playing with electricity, so I grounded him.
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
My wife dropped a tofurkey on the ground
I said it's now called a tofloorkey
The Theory of Plate Tectonics is on pretty shaky ground.
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?
That really swept the nation.
Don't you think the shovel was a ground-breaking invention?
(I saw this in a youtube video by Mishkali titled "Attack on Titan Dad Jokes" I'm not sure if she made the joke herself, but credit goes to whoever did.)
My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.
That well escalated quickly!
What did the ska band say when they threw their mic on the ground?
pickitup pickitup pickitup!
There's a benefit concert for dolphin conservation at the camping grounds
It's for all in tents and porpoises
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
I hired someone to dig a hole in the ground to get water...
What do you call a hallway on the ground
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
Today, I asked who left their cold-smoked herrings on the ground at the market but no one answered.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill
So I sent him a "get well soon" card
I was cleaning the coffee filter and forgot to rinse the grounds down the sink.
My wife comes up and asks me why I forgot to clean the sink. I said “What? Am I grounded?”
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Doesn't matter it won't come
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
A rare picture of ground in its natural habitat
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Gulag was Putin the ground
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
Can we stop circulating the same jokes over and over into the ground.
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
I told my son he's grounded
He was touching a copper water pipe and I'm an electrician.
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
Well I mean I would be mad...
What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?
The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...
it was an ironclad alibi!
Ground coffee
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him..
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
My son kept chewing on the electrical cords so I had to ground him...
He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
My son kept chewing on electrical cords, so I had to ground him.
He’s doing better currently, and conducting himself properly
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
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