I once knew a lady who was into crocheting in the dirt.

You could say she was in the knitty gritty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/titanroller
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2021
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From my 10 year old son: Why did the coffee taste like dirt?

Because it was ground.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 254
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Angus-Mackenzie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?

Because nature abhors a vacuum

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/frasaco
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2021
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Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes

"I artichoke you for that"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BananasFosterGrants
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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I recently lost a bag of dirt.

I can't believe I'm dirt poor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2021
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What did the dirt bike say to the puddle?

"Are you my mudder?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/logansworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.” /r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/goldendarren
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.

So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xknav3x
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2020
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Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...

It was quite suity in there!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
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My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt

I told him "It was just ground this morning."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 210
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Im_A_Freakin_Joke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2019
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With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2020
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What do you call female dirt?

Irt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brittishboy2000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2019
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Despite all the dirt, I finally could grab a good photo of that metal milling facility reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Constant__Pain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2019
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I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!

Safe to say, I soiled my plants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VeryLargeQ-mark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2019
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First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2019
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What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?

A groundhog

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whatlineisitanyway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2019
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The Pun Patrol thought he had me, but he didn’t get any β€œdirt” on us! imgur.com/a/E4HsWSN
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rbshag
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2019
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Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...

But having a giant rock is boulder.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hailiar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2019
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I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 48
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2018
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10 bags of soil for $15! That's dirt cheap!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jason_Eli11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2019
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I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.

That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/personGuy02
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2019
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I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldn’t get it fixed or refunded.

The store’s manager told me that I bought a one night stand.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DAY_DREAM3R
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2019
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My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.

But I'm keeping my ground

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/udrys
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2019
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Why did the chicken roll around in dirt then cross the road twice?

Because he wanted to be a dirty double crosser

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pinkninja1228
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2019
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How much dirt is in a hole that's 1ft deep, 1ft wide, and 1ft long?

None. If there was dirt in it, it wouldn't be a hole.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 112
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LyndsySimon
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2016
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Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moses10960
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2017
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I tried to find some dirt on Louis CK

Turns out he's a stand up guy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mvanvoorden
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2017
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Excuse me, this coffee tastes like dirt

Of course it does, it's fresh ground.

Edit: This, of course, is an Amazon Echo dad joke. It's a rock solid piece of machinery.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 104
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BuzzWeedle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2015
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I ate some dirt the other day.

Never again. I got so il

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2017
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How many cubic meters of dirt are in a hole that's 243.8 yards deep and 7.3 feet in diameter?

None! There isn't any dirt in a hole!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Redditmantothesite
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2016
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My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...

When I helped him out in the shop:

Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.

Dad: Did it slap you?

Me: What?

Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!


Bonus dad joke:

Me: What's for dinner?

Dad: Something with food in it.

(Every single night)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2013
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2019
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 274
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skylly100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2019
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β€œThis coffee tastes like dirt!”

β€œWell it was just ground this morning.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaxxisR
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2019
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No wonder my coffee tastes like dirt

It was ground this morning

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2019
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Me: "This coffee tastes like dirt."

Dad: "That's because it was ground this morning."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2019
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This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was fresh ground this morning

πŸ‘οΈŽ 119
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/i-right-i
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2017
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