I once knew a lady who was into crocheting in the dirt.
You could say she was in the knitty gritty.
ποΈ 6
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οΈ May 17 2021
From my 10 year old son: Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
ποΈ 254
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οΈ Feb 06 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
ποΈ 13k
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οΈ Sep 22 2020
Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?
Because nature abhors a vacuum
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Mar 05 2021
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Mar 25 2021
I recently lost a bag of dirt.
I can't believe I'm dirt poor.
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Mar 14 2021
What did the dirt bike say to the puddle?
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Feb 06 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, βIf you cross this, Iβll hit you in the face.β
/r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/β¦
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Nov 19 2020
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Sep 10 2020
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Jul 21 2020
My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt
I told him "It was just ground this morning."
ποΈ 210
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οΈ Sep 19 2019
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ May 07 2020
What do you call female dirt?
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Nov 20 2019
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Oct 17 2019
I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!
Safe to say, I soiled my plants.
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Dec 31 2019
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...
Every clod has a silver lining.
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Nov 24 2019
What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?
ποΈ 24
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οΈ Jun 02 2019
The Pun Patrol thought he had me, but he didnβt get any βdirtβ on us!
imgur.com/a/E4HsWSN
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Mar 20 2019
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Jun 28 2019
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.
ποΈ 48
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οΈ Aug 27 2018
10 bags of soil for $15! That's dirt cheap!
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Mar 24 2019
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.
Thatβs the point in the book where the plot thickened.
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Apr 01 2019
I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldnβt get it fixed or refunded.
The storeβs manager told me that I bought a one night stand.
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Apr 03 2019
My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.
But I'm keeping my ground
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Mar 09 2019
Why did the chicken roll around in dirt then cross the road twice?
Because he wanted to be a dirty double crosser
ποΈ 12
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οΈ Jan 22 2019
How much dirt is in a hole that's 1ft deep, 1ft wide, and 1ft long?
None. If there was dirt in it, it wouldn't be a hole.
ποΈ 112
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οΈ May 12 2016
Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
ποΈ 24
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οΈ Jul 24 2017
I tried to find some dirt on Louis CK
Turns out he's a stand up guy.
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Sep 05 2017
Excuse me, this coffee tastes like dirt
Of course it does, it's fresh ground.
Edit: This, of course, is an Amazon Echo dad joke. It's a rock solid piece of machinery.
ποΈ 104
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οΈ Jun 11 2015
I ate some dirt the other day.
ποΈ 4
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οΈ May 31 2017
How many cubic meters of dirt are in a hole that's 243.8 yards deep and 7.3 feet in diameter?
None! There isn't any dirt in a hole!
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Jun 17 2016
My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...
When I helped him out in the shop:
Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.
Dad: Did it slap you?
Me: What?
Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!
Bonus dad joke:
Me: What's for dinner?
Dad: Something with food in it.
(Every single night)
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Aug 11 2013
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, βIf you cross this line, Iβll hit you in the face.β
ποΈ 17k
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οΈ Jan 26 2019
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
ποΈ 274
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οΈ Dec 12 2019
βThis coffee tastes like dirt!β
βWell it was just ground this morning.β
ποΈ 6
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οΈ May 14 2019
No wonder my coffee tastes like dirt
It was ground this morning
ποΈ 15
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οΈ Jul 06 2019
Me: "This coffee tastes like dirt."
Dad: "That's because it was ground this morning."
ποΈ 23
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οΈ Feb 23 2019
This coffee tastes like dirt
Well it was fresh ground this morning
ποΈ 119
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οΈ Jun 18 2017
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