I once knew a lady who was into crocheting in the dirt.

You could say she was in the knitty gritty.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/titanroller
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
From my 10 year old son: Why did the coffee taste like dirt?

Because it was ground.

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angus-Mackenzie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?

Because nature abhors a vacuum

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frasaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes

"I artichoke you for that"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
I recently lost a bag of dirt.

I can't believe I'm dirt poor.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
What did the dirt bike say to the puddle?

"Are you my mudder?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.” /r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldendarren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.

So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xknav3x
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...

It was quite suity in there!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt

I told him "It was just ground this morning."

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_A_Freakin_Joke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call female dirt?

Irt

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brittishboy2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Despite all the dirt, I finally could grab a good photo of that metal milling facility reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Constant__Pain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!

Safe to say, I soiled my plants.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLargeQ-mark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œThis coffee tastes like dirt!”

β€œWell it was just ground this morning.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaxxisR
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
No wonder my coffee tastes like dirt

It was ground this morning

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?

A groundhog

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The Pun Patrol thought he had me, but he didn’t get any β€œdirt” on us! imgur.com/a/E4HsWSN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rbshag
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...

But having a giant rock is boulder.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hailiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Me: "This coffee tastes like dirt."

Dad: "That's because it was ground this morning."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
10 bags of soil for $15! That's dirt cheap!
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Eli11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.

That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/personGuy02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldn’t get it fixed or refunded.

The store’s manager told me that I bought a one night stand.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DAY_DREAM3R
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.

But I'm keeping my ground

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken roll around in dirt then cross the road twice?

Because he wanted to be a dirty double crosser

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pinkninja1228
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was fresh ground this morning

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-right-i
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
🚨︎ report
How much dirt is in a hole that's 1ft deep, 1ft wide, and 1ft long?

None. If there was dirt in it, it wouldn't be a hole.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LyndsySimon
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried to find some dirt on Louis CK

Turns out he's a stand up guy.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mvanvoorden
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Excuse me, this coffee tastes like dirt

Of course it does, it's fresh ground.

Edit: This, of course, is an Amazon Echo dad joke. It's a rock solid piece of machinery.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuzzWeedle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I ate some dirt the other day.

Never again. I got so il

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
🚨︎ report
How many cubic meters of dirt are in a hole that's 243.8 yards deep and 7.3 feet in diameter?

None! There isn't any dirt in a hole!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...

When I helped him out in the shop:

Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.

Dad: Did it slap you?

Me: What?

Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!


Bonus dad joke:

Me: What's for dinner?

Dad: Something with food in it.

(Every single night)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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