A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.

People are dying to take a ride in it.

(As told by my friend the funeral director?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?

>!A decoffinated cafe!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyan-180
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?

Mourn flakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corbin125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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My dad said my friend shouldn't become a funeral director

It's a dying profession

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bread-Crunchy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Why does the funeral director always bring Ricolaβ„’ to work with him?

It makes sense with all the coffin!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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What happened to the funeral director when he got sick?

He was coffin a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshandthewolf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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How did everyone know the funeral director was sick?

He was coffin pretty often.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshandthewolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Woman marries a funeral director

Just saw this on facebook...

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a β€˜funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. With a smile on her face she explained, β€˜I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sir_mrej
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
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Every time I go past the shut down funeral directors...

...it's a dead business.

I'll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graemerosco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
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On his job as a funeral director

My mom and dad are funeral directors, and we live in an apartment on top of the shop.

I was at a friends house yesterday, and my dad came around to pick me up. The friends house is like far out into the woods, so it's kinda hard to find, but he got in on the first try. So I got in the car and this conversation happened:

&nbsp;

Thanks for picking me up, glad you could find the place.

>No problem, it's what I do for a living

??

>I get called up in the middle of the night, get in my car and drive to some house I've never been to before

...

>Then I pick someone up who needs my help, drive them all the way back to the shop and feel that I've done something good this night.

&nbsp;

He's the only person I know that is able to joke around this much about his profession. It's pretty darn cool!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehEmperorOfLulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2013
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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SchrΓΆdinger’s Widow

β€œOpen casket or closed” asked the Funeral Director.

β€œYes” replied SchrΓΆdinger’s Widow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phlebasuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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A widow was at a funeral today, lost her husband.

The funeral director asked, β€œCan I say a quick word?” β€œSure,” replied the widow. β€œThank you,” the funeral director responded, β€œPlethora” β€œThanks, means a lot” replied the widow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superonkey101
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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My Dad caught me with this one today

I was traveling with my Dad today in the car when we passed the funeral directors; it's the dead centre of the town!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omega_Sunblade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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