My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.

"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"

"16!"

"How did you figure that out."

"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was a captain in the Army Reserve. She told me she had a promotion and asked me to attend the ceremony. I don’t know much about the Army,

...but I understand this promotion was a major ordeal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently went to a wedding between two antennas. The ceremony was terrible but the RECEPTION WAS GREAT.
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xSalmonella
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My sister hit me with quite the insult at her PhD ceremony.

It was a 2nd-degree burn.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I like how they light the Olympic torch near Athens, then it stays lit all the way to the opening ceremony.

I guess it's hard to put out a Greece fire.

πŸ‘︎ 654
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:

"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaaaaaaaaaake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a very emotional ceremony

Even the cake was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bicatlantis7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They were all arrested for third-degree murder.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Two TV aerials got married. The ceremony was rubbish but...

... the reception was great.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbour is an Olympian and I secretly really fancy her so I'm helping her out at the opening ceremony...

I'm carrying a torch for her.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that watermelons always have a big wedding ceremony...

...because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waffle299
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Many melons are forced to have large wedding ceremonies when they get married

Because they cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NegativePrimitive
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do two melons need to have a proper ceremony when they get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Horse_Armour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I walked right into one while watching the opening ceremony last night.

My husband and I were watching the parade of nations and Belize was entering the stadium. The population and number of athletes were displayed on the bottom and I said, "Wow, I didn't know Belize had such a small population. Not even half a million people."

My husband replied, "Yea, it's pretty unbeliezable."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notstephanie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
🚨︎ report
The wedding was about to start, and mom wanted to make sure the kids didn't have to get up and disrupt the ceremony to go to the bathroom, so she told them...

...speak now or forever hold your pees.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_Brandon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Did an Indian ceremony and my hands were really red from the dye.

11 yr old cousin: How long is your hand going to stay red?

Me: As long as I'm guilty!

She rolled her eyes at me knowing exactly what I meant because I've used the "caught red handed" joke to her for most of her life.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yaj8552
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
🚨︎ report
My friends said they were doing a knot tying for their wedding ceremony...

I asked them "If you're not tying, what are you going to do for your ceremony?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Myrrun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad on the Olympics opening ceremony

"Did you see that? It was Sochi-zy"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linktothenow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked a friend at a graduation ceremony.

One of my friends was talking about how she needed glasses because she couldnt see, so she used to wear colored glasses and i replied "but you can already see color just fine".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moelawn
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.