Special moment: giving my sun his first bath.
πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdofras
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.

The person was unarmed.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, β€œDo you want to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please.”

Waiter: β€œNo problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Edam cheese so special?

Because it’s made backwards!

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hercules_ZH
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Christmas Eve is special because...

...it's one of the only day where tomorrow is the present day.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JHolden814
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Nothing special tuna-ight
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Star Trek Halloween Special
πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A β€˜divine’ healer in his β€˜miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
An eggstra special conversation
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyMan_Man
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
10...9...My Dad was counting down. I asked why. 7...6... β€œBecause it’ll be 12:57, he said.” 5...4... β€œWhat’s so special about 12:57?” I asked.

It’s Three To One.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted my first post here to be special

Special

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontTouchMyCouch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks β€œwhy should I hire you?” The applicant responded β€œI have a special talent!”

β€œOh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

β€œYou’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked β€œwho is he?”

The priest responded β€œI don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My special (cake) day was beautiful...

even the cake was in tiers!

had to do a (bad) dad joke for my cake day lol

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleegg1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.

I mean, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes a second to understand- or I’m just special
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
These puns are special type of cheesy, Feta cheesy, that's why they are Greece-y.
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamexceptional
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to give a special thanks to...

My hands for always staying by my side

My legs for helping me stand up

And my fingers because I could always count on them

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...

...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that Starbucks makes special masks that let you drink through them.

The masks are called coughy filters.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What's an Agatha Christie novel and Death in Paradise crossover special called?

Poirots of the Caribbean.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Too special imo.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
With special guest star.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I think there’s a special place in hell for my friend Dante, because he’s always trolling animal rights activists.

Dante’s in fur now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œSpecial Mowing Unit”
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jennim5588
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Today's Drink Special: Quarantini

It's just a regular martini, but you drink it all alone in your house.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dynamic367
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
So I go the butchers and there’s a special on. 8 legs of venison for Β£50.

Is that a good deal or is it just two deer?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CYBERSson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The people who bought all the toilet paper are special!

They have the hoard immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free

Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Pirates get a special price for corn.

They only pay a buccaneer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you see that Cheers reunion special on TV??

It was Danson with the stars!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
That's my special tea
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ae8_bos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.

Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.

Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?

Co-teacher: He couldn't say.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/penigmatic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered β€œS”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the β€œS”s, the snail replied:

When people watch me drive by they’ll say β€œLook at that S-car-go”

(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FemaleDadClone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a building that produces items that are ok, but not really anything special?

A Satis-factory

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an amazing Black Friday special that comes with free cake?

A sweet deal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you missed the special NYE this time, just wait for two years.

Because 2022 is 2020, too.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Special edition release
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-British-Indian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My special talent
πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ky_1652
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a coffee shop, goes the counter and asks, β€œSo what’s the special?” The barista shakes her head, β€œI can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. β€œWhat do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

β€œA mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

β€œOh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

β€œAn affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. β€œCan you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. β€œOk, the special is in this jar.”

β€œWhat is it?”

β€œI can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, β€œIt’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, β€œI guess you spilled the beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the number two’s special day?

Tuesday (two’s day)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?

It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCovarr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Waiter: "Would you like to hear today's Special?"

Customer: "Yes, please."

Waiter: "Today IS special. Very special."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmatlack1023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Right after we sat down for dinner, the waiter said, β€œWould you like to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please, thanks.”

The waiter responded: Today is special.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Waiter: Would you like to hear today’s special?

Me: Yes please.

Waiter: Sure. Today is special.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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