Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
My friend said a show that is about kids that fight fantastical monsters with another kid that has special abilities would never take off in popularity.
But I've seen stranger things.
I saw a sign in the pub "The Chef's Special"
I thought that's nice, equal opportunities employer.
I’m ready to share my Grandma’s special Gold soup recipe: first you boil the water,
Special moment: giving my sun his first bath.
How do you catch a special rabbit?
Unique up on it!
How do you catch a domesticated rabbit?
Tame way!
Do you know what makes Edam cheese so special?
It’s the only cheese that is made backwards
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
I make podiums. So I always save my most special podium for March 20th...
It's the first dais of Spring!
Pi Day Special Edition Dad Joke
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference...
He ate too much pi.
Seems the Weekend had compete creative control for the halftime special and brought in his own production team.
I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
I just found out that they make special diapers for baby boys.
They call them diap-hims.
Star Trek Halloween Special
Nothing special tuna-ight
Christmas Eve is special because...
...it's one of the only day where tomorrow is the present day.
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
10...9...My Dad was counting down. I asked why. 7...6... “Because it’ll be 12:57, he said.” 5...4... “What’s so special about 12:57?” I asked.
An eggstra special conversation
I wanted my first post here to be special
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
These puns are special type of cheesy, Feta cheesy, that's why they are Greece-y.
It takes a second to understand- or I’m just special
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks “why should I hire you?” The applicant responded “I have a special talent!”
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
My special (cake) day was beautiful...
even the cake was in tiers!
had to do a (bad) dad joke for my cake day lol
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.
I mean, how low can you go?
I want to give a special thanks to...
My hands for always staying by my side
My legs for helping me stand up
And my fingers because I could always count on them
TIL that Starbucks makes special masks that let you drink through them.
The masks are called coughy filters.
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
What's an Agatha Christie novel and Death in Paradise crossover special called?
Poirots of the Caribbean.
I think there’s a special place in hell for my friend Dante, because he’s always trolling animal rights activists.
Today's Drink Special: Quarantini
It's just a regular martini, but you drink it all alone in your house.
So I go the butchers and there’s a special on. 8 legs of venison for £50.
Is that a good deal or is it just two deer?
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
The people who bought all the toilet paper are special!
They have the hoard immunity.
Pirates get a special price for corn.
They only pay a buccaneer.
Did you see that Cheers reunion special on TV??
It was Danson with the stars!
A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered “S”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the “S”s, the snail replied:
When people watch me drive by they’ll say “Look at that S-car-go”
(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)
Why is Edam cheese so special?
Because it’s made backwards!
Waiter: "Would you like to hear today's Special?"
Customer: "Yes, please."
Waiter: "Today IS special. Very special."
Right after we sat down for dinner, the waiter said, “Would you like to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please, thanks.”
The waiter responded: Today is special.
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