Including Puns

He uses his Spider Census.

I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...

It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.

Patient: “Is that true, or are you just pulling my leg?”

It is a shocking discovery

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electricity

http://scienceline.ucsb.edu/getkey.php?key=4026

At the very least it adds more scale

Hey guys: Like the tittle says I'm looking for puns that involve bartending etc. The shorter the better. I'm an aspiring bartender myself and the only stuff I could think was something to the effect of "Raising the bar" but nothing concrete sofar.

But it's just a crying shame none of them are called "Daddy Issues"

..but I never could find the 4-0-4.

I'm not saying I'll watch it. But there's been wurst casting.

I work at a pizza shop and when orders are completed we yell the order so the customers can pick them up. An order came up with the name "Juan" so naturally I yelled out "I have Juan large pepperoni pizza for pick up. Any Juan here for that order?"

Duct tape used for everything, including puns

I want to change my IGN to something that includes puns. right now I came up with "PunKneeShare" which I think is not that original nor good. what are your suggestions?

Got a cookbook for my mother in law for Christmas. It hasn't come in the mail yet so we're printing out a picture of it and wanted to include pun on it, but husband and I are failing miserably. Help?

Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.

Close, but no Seger.

I guess it's easier to go around it

Edit: typo

They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.

He’s a gingerbread man.

"that about sums it-up"

Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?

So that you include other later winter hole-based celebrations.

Ray Ovac?

So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim “hey (son’s name) you’re really rockin’ ‘n’ rollin’ now.” My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.

Because they make up everything

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says “coolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

• I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that “creative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

Alright you punny people, I need help. I’m making a cake for a man. It’s his birthday, his wife is having a baby, and it is his last day at his current job. Current job is buying the cake and told me to write something funny including all the occasions. I’m not creative when put on the spot so I have completely drawn a blank on a great pun! Much appreciated!!

But I don’t want to count my pumpkins before they patch.

While I enjoyed it, I felt the trip had no Seoul.

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

The movie later earned a 'No Belle' prize

I quickly responded, it’s not there because you had it already.

I know this isn't strictly a Dad joke, but I feel it is in the spirit of the thing. My dad is getting is getting his leg amputated in January. Essentially he has no cartilage in his ankle, and it causes him severe pain all the time. He has an amazing sense of humor, so I wanted to get him a gift basket of foot-based things. So far I have: -fruit by the foot -Happy Feet -Footloose -an Ihop gift card -pack of tube socks (since now he gets 2 for 1) -Bologna (because his amputation is below knee) -a card saying congrats on the weight loss -all put inside of a stocking

What other foot based pun items would you include in the gift basket?

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

How do you say thanks in fish?

Thanksalotyl

Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."

Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"

Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

By Ray Of?

What they didnt tell me was that fee doesn't include a driver. So now, im out $300 and nothing to chauffer it.

Cant believe i just spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

then it's irrelephant