The Specials Puns

I said, “Yes please.”

Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

I think it was Scampoo.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked “who is he?”

The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

They have the hoard immunity.

Is that a good deal or is it just two deer?

Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !

When people watch me drive by they’ll say “Look at that S-car-go”

(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)

Because 2022 is 2020, too.

The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

“A mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

“Oh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

“An affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. “Can you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. “Ok, the special is in this jar.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, “It’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, “I guess you spilled the beans.”

Tuesday (two’s day)

It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution

No Whey, Jose!

Seal clubbing

"Whoa", he replied, "I see what you're saying".

One day, the bartender ran out of the hazelnut flavor so he substituted hickory nuts instead. The doctor took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “this isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”

“No I’m sorry”, replied the bartender, “It’s a hickory daiquiri, doc”

It's a great way to showcase people with dis abilities.

I had the time of my life.

The waiter responded, “Cow tongue. It is very tender and has great flavor.”

The man was very upset and said, “That’s disgusting. I’m not going to eat something that came out of a cow’s mouth! Give me two fried eggs instead!”

Customer: Ugh! I can’t eat anything out of an animal’s mouth. Give me a coupla eggs.

...but still, there was the fodder, the son and the goalie host.

insert your dad’s joke here.

...two small breasts, two large thighs, and a left wing.

it's Ryan's Secrets

THIS TOWN AHHH AHHHH IS COMING LIKE A GHOST TOWN

...and he had to use one of those pens on a chain. But he was standing too far away from its anchor and the chain didn't reach the signout form.

He looked up at the librarian and said,

> Do you have a pen with a longer chain?

"What did the fish say after the chef chopped off it's tail?"

"What dad?"

"He said, Call a Sturgeon! "

"Heh"

"Oh come on, you can laugh at least for the halibut"

I said, “Yes please, thanks.”

The waiter responded: Today is special.