A-door-able Valentine’s Puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aestheticworkshop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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My brother’s pun game is strong...
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firemaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns hoping at ο»Ώleast one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, ο»Ώno pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeNerdNextDoor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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I told my daughter, β€œGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, β€œWhat’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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My daughter told me nothing rhymes with orange. I told her she’s wrong.

Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marfalump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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What’s the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?

If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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He’s wright!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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It’s kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

πŸ‘︎ 487
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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It’s sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
πŸ‘︎ 515
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakinBacon64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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β€œSo what’s it like living in the mountains?”

It’s got it’s ups and downs

πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im-Not-dead-yet1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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At least he’s trying
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogkerung
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 914
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What do you call a mortician that steals dead people’s underwear?

An Undietaker.

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotGolfTips
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?

Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5am281
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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So I asked my dad one day: β€œWhat’s a forklift?”

And he said β€œfood usually”.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 786
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I can’t believe it’s not butter!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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"What’s your name, son?"

The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."

"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.

The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

πŸ‘︎ 675
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aye_its_soya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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It’s a complex complex.
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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It’s too late to make Suez Canal jokes now

That ship has sailed

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerTechNZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I’ve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table... I know it’s genuine because . . .

it has a bit of veneer missing.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?

(Gal)lons

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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This one’s a catastrophe
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmylathen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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After Orville and Wilbur’s first horrific and fatal plane-accident leaving their remains scattered on the tarmac, the chief medical examiner approaching what was left of them simply asked:

β€œAre you all Wright?!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fadedmemento
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I tried to come up with a pun about carpentry, but it’s harder than it sounds.

Almost nothing wood work.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1

That’s inflation for ya

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"

"The opposite of right!"

πŸ‘︎ 483
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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It’s illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice

Because that would be in cider trading

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canyuse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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What’s the most disgusting type of nut?

The cash-ew

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samscostco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Just realised it’s Pancake Day....

That crepèd up on me.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashypants82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Every Zodiac sign has it’s own significant hairstyle

except Cancer

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Echo_The_God
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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What is Forrest Gump’s password?

1forrest1

πŸ‘︎ 603
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderBuckets73
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s

It was a ridiculously long name

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nxxname
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but he’s not buying it. In fact...

He’s still making fun of me...

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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I’m sure he’s thrilled
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRon16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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What do you call a hippie’s wife?

Mississippi

πŸ‘︎ 369
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebelsnickle1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Why did Dwayne Johnson’s family get tested for covid?

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegraindoctor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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What’s an impostor’s favorite breakfast?

Sus-age.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Foot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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My pizza cutter broke so I used a Bryan Adam’s CD.

It cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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What’s the worst part about going out to eat duck?

The Bill.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty-Slippers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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What’s the worst part of having an apple addiction?

You can’t see the doctor about it.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrunkleChris
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!

Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:

Chicken nuggets PB&Js (in the shape of guitars) Veggie tray Fruit tray Water & juice

I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know πŸ˜‚ Help me out if you can think of any more!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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What’s a small mosque in Tijuana called?

A Mosquito

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksdesh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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What’s big, grey, and asks a lot of questions?

A Why-noceros

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoswede
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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It’s not a drunk argument

It’s a spirited discussion.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Mad_Man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report

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