A-door-able Valentineβs Puns
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︎ Jan 24 2021
My brotherβs pun game is strong...
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︎ Jun 23 2020
There was a man who entered a local paperβs pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at ο»Ώleast one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, ο»Ώno pun in ten did.
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︎ Apr 05 2017
I told my daughter, βGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.β Puzzled, she asked, βWhatβs that got to do with anything?β I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"Itβs pasture bedtime!β
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︎ Mar 26 2021
My daughter told me nothing rhymes with orange. I told her sheβs wrong.
Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Whatβs the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Whatβs the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?
If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Heβs wright!
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︎ Mar 16 2021
Itβs kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Itβs sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
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︎ Apr 10 2021
βSo whatβs it like living in the mountains?β
Itβs got itβs ups and downs
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︎ Apr 15 2021
At least heβs trying
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︎ Feb 27 2021
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, whatβs on the outside?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
What do you call a mortician that steals dead peopleβs underwear?
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Me: the earth isnβt flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: itβs the shape an italian car. Me: what?
Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didnβt you?
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︎ Apr 10 2021
So I asked my dad one day: βWhatβs a forklift?β
And he said βfood usuallyβ.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonβs train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
I canβt believe itβs not butter!
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︎ Jan 21 2021
"Whatβs your name, son?"
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Itβs a complex complex.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Itβs too late to make Suez Canal jokes now
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Iβve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table... I know itβs genuine because . . .
it has a bit of veneer missing.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
My 8 year old sons joke today. Whatβs a girls favorite unit of measurement?
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︎ Apr 15 2021
This oneβs a catastrophe
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︎ Apr 14 2021
After Orville and Wilburβs first horrific and fatal plane-accident leaving their remains scattered on the tarmac, the chief medical examiner approaching what was left of them simply asked:
βAre you all Wright?!β
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I tried to come up with a pun about carpentry, but itβs harder than it sounds.
Almost nothing wood work.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now itβs $1
Thatβs inflation for ya
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︎ Apr 05 2021
The genie asked, "Whatβs your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatβs your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. Whatβs left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Itβs illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice
Because that would be in cider trading
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︎ Apr 10 2021
Whatβs the most disgusting type of nut?
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︎ Apr 08 2021
Just realised itβs Pancake Day....
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Every Zodiac sign has itβs own significant hairstyle
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︎ Apr 15 2021
What is Forrest Gumpβs password?
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︎ Mar 11 2021
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 Dβs
It was a ridiculously long name
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︎ Apr 19 2021
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that itβs perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but heβs not buying it. In fact...
Heβs still making fun of me...
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︎ Apr 03 2021
Iβm sure heβs thrilled
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︎ Apr 01 2021
What do you call a hippieβs wife?
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Why did Dwayne Johnsonβs family get tested for covid?
They couldnβt smell what the rock was cooking
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Whatβs brown and sticky?
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Whatβs an impostorβs favorite breakfast?
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︎ Apr 19 2021
My pizza cutter broke so I used a Bryan Adamβs CD.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Whatβs the worst part about going out to eat duck?
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Whatβs the worst part of having an apple addiction?
You canβt see the doctor about it.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year oldβs birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. Weβll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
Iβm struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isnβt even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know π Help me out if you can think of any more!
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Whatβs a small mosque in Tijuana called?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Whatβs big, grey, and asks a lot of questions?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Itβs not a drunk argument
Itβs a spirited discussion.
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︎ Apr 15 2021
When my wife found me playing with my sonβs train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Jan 17 2021
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