(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM

I'm not really a mourning person πŸ˜”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AboutKemosabe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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What did Kermit say at his puppeteers funeral?

Nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingKhannar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow:

Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."

The widow replies: β€œThanks that means a lot.”

And another:

Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain."

The widow replies: β€œThanks that means a great deal.”

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tronkfool
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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I went to my funeral practice again

It was a nice rehearseal

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foreliah
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Why did the pun master order a glass coffin for his own funeral?

Because he wanted his friends to see what he dead there.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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At my grandma’s funeral there was a bowl of her favorite candy on the table.

They were bereavements.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Business idea: coffee creamer for funerals...

Help usher your roasted beans into the afterlife with CreamMate.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrkb34
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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At my funeral

Grab the bouquet from my casket and give it a toss, see who's next.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Funeral homes might start displaying bodies of the deceased again after Covid-19 lockdown...

But that remains go be seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianHusky
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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A friend of mine runs a funeral home

People are dying to go there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.

People are dying to take a ride in it.

(As told by my friend the funeral director?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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(At bosses funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)

"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I decided not to go to Grandma’s funeral

I’m not really a mourning person.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcollins260
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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What does a critic say at a funeral?

Good mourning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Igotsadog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.

Thots and prayers

πŸ‘︎ 661
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgorbg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?

>!A decoffinated cafe!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyan-180
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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What do you call a horny necrophiliac at a funeral?

β€œMourning Wood”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massive_diarrhea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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I was at a friends funeral and I said to the widow β€œdo you mind if I say a word?”

She said go ahead.

I stood up said β€œplethora” and sat back down.

β€œThank you”, the grieving widow responded, β€œit means a lot”

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jediwag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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What kind of dress should you wear to a funeral?

A Graveyard Shift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plotbe01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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I Went to a Frog Funeral Today

He lived a good life, it was just too bad he croaked so young.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed

It was a lovely service...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.

Unbereavable...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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At a clown’s funeral, everybody brought flowers.

There wasn’t a dry face in the house.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pfisher42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?

Mourn flakes

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corbin125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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At my bosses funeral leaning over his coffin

Who is thinking outside the box now?

Credits to Twitter @Dadsaysjokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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How did they fund four weddings and a funeral?

A Huge Grant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gay-George
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.

I replied, Perhaps mourning would...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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The inventor of Hard and Shoulders shampoo died. At the funeral, his wife gave a 20 minute moving eulogy...

There wasn't a dry scalp in the place!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?

Nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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Did you hear about the man who's funeral was interrupted by the sprinklers?

He was sent to a watery grave.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/round-2-fight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down "funeral"?

No? Shame, it was real fun.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zukulist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I got kicked out of a funeral for having an erection

Jeez, can’t a guy have mourning wood?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruh-bruh_bruh
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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My dad died on 02/19/18, this joke came to me while signing paperwork at the funeral home...

What do they call the best salesman at a funeral home?

The Top Urner

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catatonicpotato
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftfrom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I hate how funerals are always at 9 am.

I'm not really a mourning person.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_plc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.

Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbag420-69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I was at a funeral and was asked to say a word

I said, plethora. The deceased’s family said, thanks, that means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gumburculeez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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A woman was sitting at her dead husband's funeral.

A man leans toward her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "No, go ahead," replies the woman. The man stands, clears his throat, and says, "Plethora," then sits back down. "Thanks," says the woman, "that means a lot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am

I'm really not a mourning person.

πŸ‘︎ 499
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akien0222
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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If I had my own funeral home...

People would be dying to get in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotCam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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At a funeral, a little old man goes up to the grieving widow.

"May I say a word?"

Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora"

"The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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