If I had my own funeral home...

People would be dying to get in.

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👤︎ u/PatriotCam
📅︎ Aug 13 2020
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Yesterday a casket at a funeral home magically came to life, and immediately got sick

It watched the news and became convinced it had contracted the coronavirus from it's intended inhabitant, a Chinese woman from Wuhan who had died of the disease.

The casket went to the emergency room at the nearest hospital.

After overcoming her initial shock at diagnosing a casket, the ER doctor ran a blood test and determined the casket definitely did not have the coronavirus.

"But I feel like I'm dying doctor, and I only just came to life. If it isn't the coronavirus what is it?" worriedly asked the casket.

"I'm not sure," answered the doctor, "we'll have to run some more tests."

"But my fever, the pain in my lungs...what could it be? Doctor if you had to give me your best diagnosis right now without the tests, what do you think could be causing these terrible respiratory symptoms?"

The doctor thought for a moment then answered, "SARS cough I guess."

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👤︎ u/Y2KoNo
📅︎ Mar 01 2020
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A funeral home got busted for raffling dead bodies off to med schools.

Police said it was a dead giveaway.

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👤︎ u/NikkoE82
📅︎ Feb 27 2020
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My dad died on 02/19/18, this joke came to me while signing paperwork at the funeral home...

What do they call the best salesman at a funeral home?

The Top Urner

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📅︎ Mar 01 2018
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I went by the funeral home last night.

The place sure looked dead.

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👤︎ u/JibJabJake
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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Funeral homes are a dying industry.
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👤︎ u/BoarderGod
📅︎ Sep 30 2019
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I recently got a job in a funeral home.

I've had some difficulty loading and unloading the coffins from the vehicles, so I decided to practice.

Now I spend all day rehearsing.

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📅︎ Jul 05 2019
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What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?

A brush with death

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📅︎ Nov 12 2019
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From my 7 year old: "how do you get to the funeral home?"

You take the last right.

I'm so proud.

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📅︎ Sep 25 2019
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I'm going to open a funeral home for clairvoyants.

It'll be called Remains To Be Seen.

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👤︎ u/MrAaronMN
📅︎ Sep 23 2019
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I asked my friend who works at a funeral home how his job was.

He told me it was a dying industry.

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📅︎ Jul 20 2019
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A friend of mine works at a funeral home.You might have heard of her...

Myra Maines

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👤︎ u/shdchko
📅︎ Jul 26 2019
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When my granddad died, I asked the funeral home why his funeral cost more than my grandma's who past away a year ago.

They blamed it on the cost of living.

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👤︎ u/cdiddy579
📅︎ Jun 08 2019
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I thought I might start up a funeral home.

But it turned out to be quite the undertaking.

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👤︎ u/dadjokesig
📅︎ Sep 03 2018
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*passing a newly built funeral home*

Dad: You know, that funeral home is already pretty popular. People are just dying to get in there.

Real life dad joke y'all. You're welcome.

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📅︎ Jan 14 2019
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Why is it a good idea to have a pocket full of Ricolas when visiting a funeral home?

Because of all the coffins!

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📅︎ Jun 19 2018
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There's a cool new funeral home in my town.

Everybody's dying to get in there.

My dad actually produced this one yesterday. Happy Sunday.

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📅︎ Jul 17 2016
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I could never work an early shift at a funeral home

I'm just not a mourning person

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📅︎ Nov 16 2017
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Funeral homes. People are just dying to use them.
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👤︎ u/lan_chop
📅︎ Sep 26 2017
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So I heard you live in an old funeral home...

My mom and her boyfriend recently bought an old funeral home and are renovating it to turn it into a house. While out to dinner with some extended family, my mom's boyfriend's 2nd cousin says, "so I heard you live in a funeral home.. that's interesting" to which his aunt replies, "yeah, we've all been DYING to come visit."

Classic.

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👤︎ u/pennyrae
📅︎ Sep 05 2016
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My dad pulled into a funeral home in order to turn around and says this

>You know, we're lucky we're able to pull in here, people are just dying to get in here.

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👤︎ u/CaptTin
📅︎ Jul 18 2015
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Driving by a funeral home

My dad says, "People are dying to get in there."

Then a moment later, "They're so busy they're buried."

Couldn't resist laughing.

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📅︎ Jun 19 2015
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My father said this as we were driving past a funeral home.

http://imgur.com/pBRxr3r

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👤︎ u/jride13
📅︎ Feb 06 2014
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Passing by a funeral home

People are dying to get in there.

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👤︎ u/In_Da_Nile
📅︎ May 20 2013
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Passing a funeral home with a line outside....

"Look , people are dying to get in."

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👤︎ u/ButtNuster
📅︎ Apr 12 2014
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So they are building a beautiful new funeral home in my home town...

Apparently people are just dying to get in.

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👤︎ u/BruinRuin
📅︎ Aug 09 2015
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