Funeral director Puns

>!A decoffinated cafe!<

Mourning.

Mourn flakes

It's a dying profession

It makes sense with all the coffin!

He was coffin a lot.

He was coffin pretty often.

Just saw this on facebook...

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. With a smile on her face she explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’

...it's a dead business.

I'll see myself out.

My mom and dad are funeral directors, and we live in an apartment on top of the shop.

I was at a friends house yesterday, and my dad came around to pick me up. The friends house is like far out into the woods, so it's kinda hard to find, but he got in on the first try. So I got in the car and this conversation happened:

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Thanks for picking me up, glad you could find the place.

>No problem, it's what I do for a living

??

>I get called up in the middle of the night, get in my car and drive to some house I've never been to before

...

>Then I pick someone up who needs my help, drive them all the way back to the shop and feel that I've done something good this night.

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He's the only person I know that is able to joke around this much about his profession. It's pretty darn cool!

“Open casket or closed” asked the Funeral Director.

“Yes” replied Schrödinger’s Widow.

The funeral director asked, “Can I say a quick word?” “Sure,” replied the widow. “Thank you,” the funeral director responded, “Plethora” “Thanks, means a lot” replied the widow

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

I was traveling with my Dad today in the car when we passed the funeral directors; it's the dead centre of the town!