I heard something coming from my grandfather's urn.

He was speaking out of urn.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Respect is urn-ed.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I try speaking to my grandfather in his urn.

I have a feeling he is turning a deaf ear.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I have a collection of urns to transfer my grandfather's ashes between them.

I figure he wouldn't want to be cooped up in one urn for long. While transferring his ashes, I broke his good urn. I am going to buy him another good urn. I guess its as the saying goes "one good urn deserves another".

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I cremated my grandfather back in 2000 and bought him the best urn.

It was the urn of the century.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Glass urns coming to the market now. How well they will sell? Remains to be seen.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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My annoying cousin dropped our grandma's urn

He's always been a pain in the ash

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J24cihpsd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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If a man named Reese was cremated, his urn would be a Reese's cup.

And inside would be Reese's pieces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lil_kibble
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?

I said, β€œabout 20 drachmas a day.”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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What’s a Greek urn?

About 200 Euro’s a week

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoppy1x0_404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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β€œWhen I die, let me pay for my own cremation. I want to urn it.”
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RushFox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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What do you call a person with an urn over their head?

A pothead!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orangesheepdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2016
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I was at a thrift store and the guy ahead of me was purchasing an antique urn made in Greece

He asked the cashier if she knew how much a Greek urns.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elemexe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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Hey Son - the other day I found a Grecian Urn

Me: What's a Grecian Urn?

Dad: Not much since the GFC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2013
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I got a promotion at the crematorium.

My boss told me I urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgejano11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandpa...

Until my mom hid the urn from me.

πŸ‘︎ 243
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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When I die, I want to be cremated.

I think I've urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Sometimes people become famous after they die. That should be called urning your fame.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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A penny saved is a penny urned
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_benjaninja_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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My Aunt Penny keeps coming back to life after her cremation

I guess it’s true... a penny urned is a penny saved.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diascamara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I can get you a great deal on cremation services....

But you have to urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravanik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Apparently they won't just cremate anyone.

You've gotta urn it!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I couldn't decide whether I should bury or cremate my grandfather.

I decided to do both and put him in a wooden urn. After hearing what I did he wood urn in his grave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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He urned my applause

http://i.imgur.com/Qowz0kx.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duyh91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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Joke

Working in a crematorium, you can never urn a living.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredditman111
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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How'd the crematorium owner make all his money?

He urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes

My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....

A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.

When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.

Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.

Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.

POOF!!

He was an urn.

What's the moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CandyceCox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Is Kim Jong ill?

Or is Kim Jong urn?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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My father saved up his whole life so he could be cremated

He really urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 266
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alliswellinnz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone can be buried after they die...

But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 324
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BugMartin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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When my grandma died, I had her cremated and put her ashes in a trophy that said "World's Best Grandma."

She urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaxxisR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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I started a graveyard for only my pals who are cremated...

If you wanna come there, you gotta urn my friendship.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Cremation isn’t free

You have to urn it

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/04niceguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I called my father this morning.

Heres how the conversation went. Me: There was a Henway in the yard. Him: What the hecks a Henway? Me: about 4 lbs! Him: It by the Grecian urn? Me: What? What's a Grecian urn? Him: About $10 an hour.

The eye rolls were spectacular.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Got fired from the Mortuary, but I don't care

Was barely urning an un-living

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elvezisdead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandmother led a great life so we made sure to cremate her

Because she urned it

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jelsen
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an undertaker make his money?

He urns it.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiggiePhats
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm not just going to give you a pot to boil water.

You'll have to urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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I started working at a crematorium the other day

I think I really urned this job

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I like to thank the Greeks for dad jokes

They certainly urn'd it

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclematthegreat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My favorite hobby as a kid was building sandcastles with my grandpa

...until my mom hid the urn from me.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone can be buried after they die...

But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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