One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....
It was his vinyl request.
I accidently dropped grandma's ashes into my fog machine.
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
My dad told me that when he dies, he wants his ashes to be made into fireworks so he can go out with a bang.
What did the log say to the ashes?
I have a collection of urns to transfer my grandfather's ashes between them.
I figure he wouldn't want to be cooped up in one urn for long. While transferring his ashes, I broke his good urn. I am going to buy him another good urn. I guess its as the saying goes "one good urn deserves another".
My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Name woes... translation: imagine the difficulty when she is ashes what her name is by French people..
I went to Hell for burning a Bible and shooting up the ashes with a syringe.
I guess I shouldn't have taken the Lord's name in vein.
When Joe died I put his ashes in his favorite mug
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm
"You're a blizzard, Harry"
When my grandma died, I had her cremated and put her ashes in a trophy that said "World's Best Grandma."
A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp
The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says “I know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist “How did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says “Oh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”
Did you know you could have your ashes grown into a plant when you die
I'm going to have my ashes grown into an ash tree, with a grave stone that reads "he was dying to be grown this way" and in the back it will read "that pun was a grave mistake"
When my cousin Frank died, his body was cremated, and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
A man was found crying hysterically between the ashes of a burnt forest
He had lost a deer friend in the wildfire
I put my dead wife's ashes in the entrance
She will always be adored
A dear friend of mine passed away recently. He asked that we spread his cremated ashes in the big fountain in the town square.
My friend burned a bible and injected the ashes into his arm
I think it was a mistake to take the Lord's name in vein
Credit: Cyanide and Happiness
My girlfriend was telling me about how this lady had her dog's ashes turned into glass and then made into a ring
I then asked her when I die if she could turn me into a window, so even after I die I can be a pain (pane).
She walked away and said she hates me, but I can tell that she was laughing inside
I just threw my father's ashes in the garbage...
I wish he'd stop smoking or empty the tray himself.
As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas.
And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.
What do you call a bird which rises from the ashes but is unable to fly?
A good one from a Angela's Ashes
Frank's mother is sick in the hospital. When Michael says to Uncle Pa Keating, "she's got pneumonia." Uncle Pa replied, "well now that's better than oldmonia"
I just had to laugh when I found this while giving "Angela's Ashes" a read.
imgur.com/SNh2g10
Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
When my father dies he wants his ashes pressed into a record
My grandfather’s last wish was that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
My friend once burned a bible then injected the ashes into his arm
He took the Lord's name in vein.
Credit: Cyanide and Happiness
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