One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....

It was his vinyl request.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I accidently dropped grandma's ashes into my fog machine.

She will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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My dad told me that when he dies, he wants his ashes to be made into fireworks so he can go out with a bang.

I said, "Ok, boomer."

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterrandom1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What did the log say to the ashes?

"You're fired."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHeight06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I have a collection of urns to transfer my grandfather's ashes between them.

I figure he wouldn't want to be cooped up in one urn for long. While transferring his ashes, I broke his good urn. I am going to buy him another good urn. I guess its as the saying goes "one good urn deserves another".

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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Name woes... translation: imagine the difficulty when she is ashes what her name is by French people..
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slipstreme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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I went to Hell for burning a Bible and shooting up the ashes with a syringe.

I guess I shouldn't have taken the Lord's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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When Joe died I put his ashes in his favorite mug

Now it's a cup of Joe

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyBellyHurtsITry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catsu_Miola
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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When my grandma died, I had her cremated and put her ashes in a trophy that said "World's Best Grandma."

She urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaxxisR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Did you know you could have your ashes grown into a plant when you die

I'm going to have my ashes grown into an ash tree, with a grave stone that reads "he was dying to be grown this way" and in the back it will read "that pun was a grave mistake"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benneb10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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When my cousin Frank died, his body was cremated, and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.

Now he's Frank in stein.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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A man was found crying hysterically between the ashes of a burnt forest

He had lost a deer friend in the wildfire

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/impostorbot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I put my dead wife's ashes in the entrance

She will always be adored

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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A dear friend of mine passed away recently. He asked that we spread his cremated ashes in the big fountain in the town square.

He will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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My friend burned a bible and injected the ashes into his arm

I think it was a mistake to take the Lord's name in vein

Credit: Cyanide and Happiness

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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My girlfriend was telling me about how this lady had her dog's ashes turned into glass and then made into a ring

I then asked her when I die if she could turn me into a window, so even after I die I can be a pain (pane).

She walked away and said she hates me, but I can tell that she was laughing inside

πŸ‘︎ 226
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnuhhh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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I just threw my father's ashes in the garbage...

I wish he'd stop smoking or empty the tray himself.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas.

And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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What do you call a bird which rises from the ashes but is unable to fly?

Joaquin Phoenix

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skarkroe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
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A good one from a Angela's Ashes

Frank's mother is sick in the hospital. When Michael says to Uncle Pa Keating, "she's got pneumonia." Uncle Pa replied, "well now that's better than oldmonia"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gelatinskeleton
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
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I just had to laugh when I found this while giving "Angela's Ashes" a read. imgur.com/SNh2g10
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BehindTheSecret
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
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Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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When my father dies he wants his ashes pressed into a record

It's his vinyl request

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alliswellinnz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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My grandfather’s last wish was that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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My friend once burned a bible then injected the ashes into his arm

He took the Lord's name in vein.

Credit: Cyanide and Happiness

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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