Full Cousin Puns

They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.

I was about to sit down and eat dinner when I remembered something. This weekend, my family and I are going to New York for my cousin's wedding and they're going to pick me up right when I finish class around noon. I was going to ask what we were doing for lunch that day.

Me: Hey, I just had a thought.

Dad: Don't.

cue a full minute of laughter from my mom and me

So we were having a family dinner, and my cousin didn't eat one of her pieces of chicken (she said she was full). She then jumped at the mention of pudding. So, I put on my best Scottish accent, and said to her: "IF YA DON'T EAT YER MEAT, YA CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING! HOW CAN YA HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YER MEAT?!"

So my boyfriend andi have been together for almosta year, and he has really spent a lot of time with my kids. We were ata birthday party for my son, and my cousin was wearing this shirt. She and I were talking and I told her she was too skinny and she was saying that she wasn't, was finally gaining weight, etc, when my boyfriend looked at her and said "That's not true, I can see your bones!" Took a second for everyone to realize it was a joke, and a room full of adults groaned while my boyfriend and I laughed.

Yup, he's definitely got a handle on the dad thing already.

So my cousin found a cooler on the side of the road and stopped, picked it up, cleaned it out, and asked if anyone wanted it for their boat or whatever.

My dad looks at me and says "I found a cooler full of ice on the side of the road, I opened it up and inside there was a toe wrapped in a towel."

I look at him and say "Wow! A real toe? Did you call the cops?"

He looks at me and says "No, I called a 'toe'truck!"

Him and my cousin(also a dad) have been laughing about it for the past hour.