Family Restaurant Puns

I thought, they really need to kick that family out.

"Have we been here before? I'm sure we've been here before." - Every male member of my family (including my Alzheimer's stricken grandfather).

Every time.

Waitress: "You guys look like you're slowing down, should I start wrapping?"

Me: "Sure I'll drop a beat"

Everyone at the table just pretended like they didn't hear it except for her grandfather who laughed.

"... Happy birthday, dear Menu"

points to "Jan 2014" printed on the base of the menu

"Happy birthday to you"

Me: "I'll get the roast duck breast please"

Sis: "I'll have the duck legs"

Mom: "I'll get the fried duck wings"

Dad: "I'll get the bill"

…but that I heard it was a little Chewy…

The dad (cleverly) says "I'll have some melted ice."

The waiter replies "Just ice is a dish best served cold."

My father in-law gets a fortune cookie that is dad joke worthy by itself: " Good bakers always make plenty of dough." My sister in-laws husband, who is a new father himself fires back, "thats because they knead it." I congratulated him on fully realizing his new dad joke abilities, then promptly posted this here as any good Redditor should.

We had the wurst meal ever

Dinner's on me tonight.

This chicken is so spicy, it'll Sichuan fire.

Waitress: (to my dad) Would you like your meat well done?

Dad: Well I wouldn't want it badly done, now would I?

My dad jumps in and says, "Sit right down ma'am - we serve everyone!"

So I'm at a restaurant with my family and my mom jokingly tells the waiter that beceause there's new menus, there must have been a price increase.

Mom: "ah, new menus! Must mean the price has gone up!"

Waiter: "hahaha just a little ma'm, just a little!"

Dad: "well can you bring me the old menu please?"

My dad ordered their seafood pizza to which the waitress replies, "Thats only available at happy hour." Dad says, "But we're happy right now!"

We were all sat down looking at the menu, when I announced "Did you know that this place is C.S. Lewis themed?"

Cue puzzled looks around the table.

"Yeah, it's like most Indian restaurants, only it's a bit naanier!"

Groans, facepalms and my wife going "oh TisteSimeon" under her breath. While I sit there and grin.