Sir Veyor
A hung jury.
I'll get my coat.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
I finally worked it out.
It's called,Cash in the Addict.
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
It’s known to run in jeans.
TNT. It's dino might.
in the end, he came around.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
Regardless if it Texas along time, Alaska.
'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'
I said “oh, well let me take one of those off your hands for you”
His test-icles
Because he had one tract mined.
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon
You pull down it's genes
The coronar
There would be 10 but they lacked 8
But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
D.
If she bites you, she's a female.
Use a Litness test.
❤❤❤ And you're priceless ❤❤❤
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."
A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor a $500 note.
Doctor: "But this is $500..."
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be $500."
Motion censors
...I must determine if I’m Russian or Stalin.
He has a lot of daddycation
I love that the real dad jokes are the dad's trying to make a second joke based on the post haha. None of them are funny, they're all dry as the Sahara Desert, but like all good dad's, they're determined to keep trying.
Keep it up you silly gooses!
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
With the exposition.
But I have learnt that through hard work and determination, anything is popsicle!
He was running a little behind.
(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)
All you need in a glass of water. If the ant sinks to the bottom it’s a girl ant. If it floats it’s a buoyant.
There are more ducks on that side.
Towels.
Step 1. Throw it in the water.
Step 2. Observe.
If it sinks? Girl ant.
If it floats? Boy ant.
I told him it takes hard work, determination, and grit.
"Bullshit! I've been using that stuff for years and...(looks at 13" scar across his stomach from whipple procedure to remove tumors, looks back at family for effect) oh... shit..."
Never lost his great attitude towards life, family, and people in general. Always quick with a joke/dad joke until the end.
For instance, metal-heads are pretty damn dense.
The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on U.S. Highway 281 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.
A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).
The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by cars.
TxDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorcycle kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"!!!
I have an Xterra that I affectionately call Alexis.
"With all the off road stuff on the Xterra, I think it needs a more butch sounding name."
"Like what?"
"Liam."
"Liam?! You can't just change her name like that."
"Yeah, Liam Nissan."
I thought her eyes were going to fall out she rolled them so hard.
