What determines when a cicada goes to bed?
"Confucius Says...War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left."
New study determines what 99% of kids homeschool hate the most
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:
'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'
Who determines if someone died from Corona?
After thorough research, I have determined why ducks are so hard to catch.
It appears they are too quack on their feet.
In the early days of COVID, the World Health Organization (WHO) forced families to lock down with their dogs―just in case the dogs could catch COVID. But then scientists determined dogs were immune to COVID.
How to determine the gender of an ant.
Put them in water. If it sinks to the bottom it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's bouyant.
Looking at a map, it was determined that the top 12 states to live in are:
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine.
When chickens are playing cards, how do they determine who goes next?
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?""No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
Family, friends, I have determined I do not have a drinking problem..
I know how to drink just fine.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
When I was younger, I wanted to play the guitar really badly. After years of hard work and determination...
I can play the guitar really badly.
If you want to know how many bees Noah had...
What was that guy's name who found the formula for determining the gradation and variety of a color?
Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing this paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.
Ornithological Behaviourists wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. They quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry".
How can you determine if a woman is ticklish?
The Soviet Commissars, Ivanka and Rudolph were peering out into the dark from their Kremlin windows, unable to determine whether it was pouring or sleeting. Finally, Ivanka's insistence that it was sleet forced her comrade to loudly proclaim...
..."Rudolph. the Red knows rain, dear!"
I am colorblind. Could you help me determine its color?
As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
A scientific study of European Common frogs over the past 20 years has found that frogs born in 2004, 2008, 2012, 2016, and 2020 jump higher and more often than their counterparts born in other years.
It has been determined that they are leapier frogs.
Did you hear about the helium truck crash in San Jose?
It's not a light topic. Lawyers and insurance companies are fighting a highly pitched battle to determine fault. I hear there have been some leaks already on the case.
A scientific study determined that married men live longer.
A subsequent study found that it only seemed longer.
SCIENCE NEWS WEEKLY: Scientists discover method to determine the weight of rainbows
Apparently they’re pretty light.
The police determined my house was hit by a cat burglar
They’re taking casts of the paw prints as we speak
What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Researchers recently aged inhabitants of a Peregrine colony and determined one of them was born around the turn of the century.
They are calling it the Millennium Falcon.
My girlfriend said she's determined to make us work.
Although I'm quite happy being unemployed.
You know those koi fish? Yeah, every 4th one is fake.
It's simple to determine it. Take any photo of 4 koi fish, and 3 of them are obviously real. Label them A, B, and C.
And the remaining one is the D koi.
Edit: Fine 🙄. Credit to u/diviken for this video.
No further elaboration is needed
The makers of Pepsi have finally revealed how they're able to determine when each can of their product will expire
Cow Tipping
A young man sneaks into a rancher's pen late at night. The pen holds a large number of male cows, and the young man wants to try his hand at cow tipping...knocking the cow over while it's sleeping. The man tries tipping the 1st cow, but the cow simply sways a bit and wont fall over, no matter how hard he pushes.
Determined, the man moves to a smaller cow and pushes hard...again, the cow sways a bit but stays on its feet. Over and over, the young man keeps trying to knock a cow over...but ends up with the same results.
After an hour of trying, the young man collapses to the ground...exhausted. In his frustration, he yells out "why cant I tip these darn cows over"?
The largest cow hears the young man, and slowly walks over to him. In a quiet voice, he says to the young man "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down"
2 things determine the infection rate during a pandemic: 1. How dense the population is.
- How dense the population is.
What is the ocean's favorite type of math?
My flat-earther friend was determined to walk to the edge of the world to prove it's flat.
in the end, he came around.
Did you hear about the man who fell from the 4th story of a nightclub?
Investigators determined he was not a bouncer.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
If you stay too long on an elevator
There's a new show on BBC where heroin junkies can determine via experts, how much money they've shot up over the years.
It's called,Cash in the Addict.
I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...
To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...
If she bites you, she's a female.
If you put an ant in water, you can determine it's sex.
If it sinks it's a girl ant, but if it floats it's boy-ant.
What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
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