It took me over 6 months to come up with a joke about calendars and clocks.

It's about time.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
"I've come here to hand over this abandoned cygnet that I rescued and raised"

Animal shelter: "Nice swan".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eormada
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I travel all over the world and I'm regular, then I come home and suddenly I'm incontinent.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"

1

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"

I said "No, son. I'm half left."

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy that comes over and breaks the butt end off of grandad's old hunting rifle?

A stock broker

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PharmDiddy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad (grandpa): I'm having the solar guy come over today, we're going to redo the whole system.

Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?

My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.

Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?

My son: Daaaaaad!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebardingreen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend called and said β€œCome over, nobody is home!”

So I came over, and nobody was home.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Pinn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad - Hey, do you want to come over for a movie? I have already invited 17 people.

Me- Sure, but why so many people? Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyagi_devansh
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said β€œcome over the house is free”

Now we are happily living together in our new house.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/englishlad93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My gf calls me up and says,"come on over,theres nobody home."

I went over,there was nobody home!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. β€œCoffee” growls the wolf. β€œWater” says the fox...

And β€œPop!” goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad would come over too his son and measure the distance between them

Son: "What are you doing?"

Dad: "I'm measuring your patience."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashoot_my_Kafoot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If you like dad jokes, and the prequels from Star Wars, come on over to r/prequeldadjokes!

r/PrequelDadJokes

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeygallinal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
"Doctor! Doctor! I keep thinking I'm a bridge!" "What's come over you, man?"

"So far two cars, a truck, and a bus."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustJosh724
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Waitress comes over to see if we are ready to order by saying "Are we good to go here?"

"No, actually we'd like to stay and eat"

πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptKirk004
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I work with my dad, and we fight over the MP3 player sometimes.. Today I made him listen to Tom Petty all day. He comes up with this zinger..

Dad: What did Tom Petty say at the Pearly Gates?

Me: Oh no, dad, please don't. Too soon..

Dad: He said, "Oh I.. want back down, oh I.. want back down."

Me: *facepalm*

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lockexxv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
When my boyfriend said this I played it back over in my head a thousand times wishing I had come up with it

::watching Bruce Lee documentary::

"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."

Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2013
🚨︎ report
What did Ryu say to Ken when he asked to come over?

Shoryuken!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Epik_Low
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
🚨︎ report
When a llama comes over every day, what do people call it?

Dalai Lama

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hyptian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Every damn time my dad comes over to work on my family's cars.

His hands all dirty with oil and other car parts gunk. Me: "Dad want something to eat?" Dad: "Sure why not" I serve him and before he grabs a bite. Dad: "Wait, did you wash your hands? I hope you did before you served me"

Then he goes on for a good 5-10 minutes about all the possibilities that I could have tainted his food with dirty hands and not showering before he gets up to wash his hands and eat.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATGunter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad come over for Parent's Weekend

We were driving to Target to pick up some stuff for my dorm:

Dad: Where do I take a left?

Me: Right here

Dad: I thought we were turning left?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realnigga4lyfe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Told my dad I had to write a paper so couldn't come over.

He replied "How long can it take, that's only 6 letters!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tres_bonitas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time my grandparents come over.

As they're leaving

Me: Bye!

Grandpa: Sell, you'll make more money.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ticklemejimjam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said, β€œCome on over, nobody’s home...”

Nobody was home...

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MushWaffle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.