It took me over 6 months to come up with a joke about calendars and clocks.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
"I've come here to hand over this abandoned cygnet that I rescued and raised"
Animal shelter: "Nice swan".
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︎ Sep 28 2020
I travel all over the world and I'm regular, then I come home and suddenly I'm incontinent.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him βHow come thereβs no charge?β
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Liveryβ
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︎ Mar 13 2020
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
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︎ Jan 21 2020
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"
I said "No, son. I'm half left."
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︎ Jan 20 2020
What do you call a guy that comes over and breaks the butt end off of grandad's old hunting rifle?
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︎ Feb 02 2020
My dad (grandpa): I'm having the solar guy come over today, we're going to redo the whole system.
Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?
My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.
Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?
My son: Daaaaaad!
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︎ Oct 23 2019
My girlfriend called and said βCome over, nobody is home!β
So I came over, and nobody was home.
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︎ Oct 11 2019
Dad - Hey, do you want to come over for a movie? I have already invited 17 people.
Me- Sure, but why so many people?
Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.
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︎ May 08 2019
My girlfriend said βcome over the house is freeβ
Now we are happily living together in our new house.
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︎ Oct 11 2019
My gf calls me up and says,"come on over,theres nobody home."
I went over,there was nobody home!
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︎ Jul 28 2019
A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. βCoffeeβ growls the wolf. βWaterβ says the fox...
And βPop!β goes the weasel.
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︎ Oct 19 2017
Dad would come over too his son and measure the distance between them
Son: "What are you doing?"
Dad: "I'm measuring your patience."
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︎ Feb 27 2019
If you like dad jokes, and the prequels from Star Wars, come on over to r/prequeldadjokes!
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︎ Mar 10 2019
"Doctor! Doctor! I keep thinking I'm a bridge!" "What's come over you, man?"
"So far two cars, a truck, and a bus."
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︎ Feb 03 2018
Waitress comes over to see if we are ready to order by saying "Are we good to go here?"
"No, actually we'd like to stay and eat"
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︎ Mar 19 2017
I work with my dad, and we fight over the MP3 player sometimes.. Today I made him listen to Tom Petty all day. He comes up with this zinger..
Dad: What did Tom Petty say at the Pearly Gates?
Me: Oh no, dad, please don't. Too soon..
Dad: He said, "Oh I.. want back down, oh I.. want back down."
Me: *facepalm*
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︎ Oct 19 2017
When my boyfriend said this I played it back over in my head a thousand times wishing I had come up with it
::watching Bruce Lee documentary::
"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."
Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee
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︎ Jan 24 2013
What did Ryu say to Ken when he asked to come over?
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︎ Jul 10 2015
When a llama comes over every day, what do people call it?
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︎ Aug 20 2016
Every damn time my dad comes over to work on my family's cars.
His hands all dirty with oil and other car parts gunk.
Me: "Dad want something to eat?"
Dad: "Sure why not"
I serve him and before he grabs a bite.
Dad: "Wait, did you wash your hands? I hope you did before you served me"
Then he goes on for a good 5-10 minutes about all the possibilities that I could have tainted his food with dirty hands and not showering before he gets up to wash his hands and eat.
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︎ Aug 24 2013
My dad come over for Parent's Weekend
We were driving to Target to pick up some stuff for my dorm:
Dad: Where do I take a left?
Me: Right here
Dad: I thought we were turning left?
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︎ Sep 21 2013
Told my dad I had to write a paper so couldn't come over.
He replied "How long can it take, that's only 6 letters!"
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︎ Sep 05 2014
Every time my grandparents come over.
As they're leaving
Me: Bye!
Grandpa: Sell, you'll make more money.
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︎ Mar 16 2014
My girlfriend said, βCome on over, nobodyβs home...β
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︎ Jan 18 2019
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