"I've come here to hand over this abandoned cygnet that I rescued and raised"
Animal shelter: "Nice swan".
I travel all over the world and I'm regular, then I come home and suddenly I'm incontinent.
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
A family gets a rabbit, and friend comes over.
Friend: So what are you gonna name him?
Dad: It's a hare, actually.
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"
I said "No, son. I'm half left."
What do you call a guy that comes over and breaks the butt end off of grandad's old hunting rifle?
My dad (grandpa): I'm having the solar guy come over today, we're going to redo the whole system.
Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?
My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.
Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?
My son: Daaaaaad!
My girlfriend called and said “Come over, nobody is home!”
So I came over, and nobody was home.
Dad - Hey, do you want to come over for a movie? I have already invited 17 people.
Me- Sure, but why so many people?
Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.
My girlfriend said “come over the house is free”
Now we are happily living together in our new house.
My gf calls me up and says,"come on over,theres nobody home."
I went over,there was nobody home!
A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. “Coffee” growls the wolf. “Water” says the fox...
And “Pop!” goes the weasel.
Dad would come over too his son and measure the distance between them
Son: "What are you doing?"
Dad: "I'm measuring your patience."
If you like dad jokes, and the prequels from Star Wars, come on over to r/prequeldadjokes!
"Doctor! Doctor! I keep thinking I'm a bridge!" "What's come over you, man?"
"So far two cars, a truck, and a bus."
Waitress comes over to see if we are ready to order by saying "Are we good to go here?"
"No, actually we'd like to stay and eat"
I work with my dad, and we fight over the MP3 player sometimes.. Today I made him listen to Tom Petty all day. He comes up with this zinger..
Dad: What did Tom Petty say at the Pearly Gates?
Me: Oh no, dad, please don't. Too soon..
Dad: He said, "Oh I.. want back down, oh I.. want back down."
Me: *facepalm*
When my boyfriend said this I played it back over in my head a thousand times wishing I had come up with it
::watching Bruce Lee documentary::
"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."
Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee
What did Ryu say to Ken when he asked to come over?
Every damn time my dad comes over to work on my family's cars.
His hands all dirty with oil and other car parts gunk.
Me: "Dad want something to eat?"
Dad: "Sure why not"
I serve him and before he grabs a bite.
Dad: "Wait, did you wash your hands? I hope you did before you served me"
Then he goes on for a good 5-10 minutes about all the possibilities that I could have tainted his food with dirty hands and not showering before he gets up to wash his hands and eat.
My dad come over for Parent's Weekend
We were driving to Target to pick up some stuff for my dorm:
Dad: Where do I take a left?
Me: Right here
Dad: I thought we were turning left?
Told my dad I had to write a paper so couldn't come over.
He replied "How long can it take, that's only 6 letters!"
Every time my grandparents come over.
As they're leaving
Me: Bye!
Grandpa: Sell, you'll make more money.
My girlfriend said, “Come on over, nobody’s home...”
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