In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?

Matt.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ninja with a broken arm?

Ninjured

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyCatlc
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Noodle arms > Buff arms
πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tr3sh_B3g
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpahpa256
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says...

"Two beers, please. One for me, and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crazehness
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
So the doctor came in to ask me about my broken arm. He said, "will painkillers help?"

"It wouldn't hurt"

πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Always remember, if you cut off your left arm...

....your right arm would be left.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a pool of blood?

An ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.

Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"

Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink

The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.

Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"

Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."

Bartender: "Why do you say that?"

Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

Disclaimer: Not original.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
My dad fell down the stairs and broke his arm.

He couldn't stop laughing though, it was a humerus situation.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zaksev
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
According to the second amendment, I have the right to bear arms

Now what do I do about the rest of the animal?

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ZEN0N_
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
My friend was telling me about the three bones of the arm

It was pretty humerus

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
No arms no legs

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs .....at your front door? Matt

...in your swimming pool? Bob

....in your mailbox? Bill

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is popular with the boys? Hedy

What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg? Eileen

What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and 1 leg? Irene

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaterBoarder1969
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.

He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested,

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"

"A person always wins!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
My chair is missing an arm and a leg

And that doesn't sit well with me.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobbert84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy who just had his arm torn off?

An ambulance

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smiledude94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium

We had to fetch a sturgeon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarbineCraig
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 864
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.

I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
The right to bear arms
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Z-3-R-0-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Why do companies prefer people with only one arm instead of people with both arms?

Because people with only one arm can do everything single-handedly

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YATALAX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 487
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...

Man: Do you do fishcakes?

Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.

Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YakDangerous5412
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about your arm bone?

It’s very Humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeBeeTurkey014
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...

I’m all right.

buh-dum-tsss

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
An arm with no body crawls into a military recruiting station. /r/Jokes/comments/m4tpxh/…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
A man with a broken arm made a joke. Everyone started laughing. He was...

humerus

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S3_Spidey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...

The conversation was pretty one-sided.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurik-P-DuBs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)

https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/

https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mondalengo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?

He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you get two more lower arms?

You have forearms

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do bears in America run around with only 1 arm?

Because the Constitution says all men have rights to BEAR ARMS.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KFC_Junior
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
I had to have my right arm amputated....

I only have one arm left

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrGrogu
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms or legs?

Matt

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simp_For_WAHHH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in 2 places

He told me to stop going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean??

Bob.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEMstone85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a ditch?

Phil.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JEMstone85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium

We had to fetch a sturgeon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarbineCraig
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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