A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Why can't you give credit to elbow for bending the arm?

Because it's a Joint effort

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadushka008
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
The weatherman for our local TV channel broke both his arms and his legs in a car accident.

He is calling in from the hospital with his four casts.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I have 5 eyes, two noses, 7 ears, 3 arms and 9 legs. What am I?

Ugly.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MOmair116
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kid who lost his left arm and leg?

Now he is all right

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nachocompadre
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
I happily hummed as I attached the final arm to my dead girlfriends torso...

I made Mary!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Why did Sally fall off the swing. She had no arms. Knock knock who's there

Not Sally

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Advice for a broken arm

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AltFactsMusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Everyone tells me I have the right to bear arms...

But I don’t want to fight a bear for his arms.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackbal1203
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says...

"Pint please, and one for the road

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krystx57
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
My neighbor slipped and broke his arm.

My wife didn’t think it was funny, but I thought it was quite humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Our amputee friend was pissed when we hid his prosthetic arm...

He didn't find it humerus

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/siKing
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Some asshole cut off both my arms and a leg a while ago. But it's ok...

...I don't hold crutches.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnxiousYYC2018
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
After my uncle had his arm amputated, he named his nub β€œSaturday.”

He said it was his weak end.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....

β€œCan I have a drink for me and one for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Most people think that T-Rexes can't clap because they have short arms

But it's actually because they're dead

πŸ‘︎ 240
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
I got an arm transplant at a great price yesterday.

It was discounted at the second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WackyBehr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm...

And says "A beer please and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zander-dupont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
The preachers are up in arms about Trump's plan to add more hydroelectric power plants.

They are worried about the damnation.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
What did the General who lost both his arms, use to fight his wars?

His Leggies.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcflufin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?

You know what they say, Margaret. "Thyme heals all wounds".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michacha123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and left leg in an accident?

He's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leftonasournote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
They say humans only have two arms

That’s a myth; you have forearms.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LAUGHgan1stan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
When you swat a mosquito on your arm

its death is in vein

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Listen, punk. If you don't think I'll break your other arm...

You've got another sling comin'

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bopaqod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
my right arm hurts like crazy, but only between 9 a.m. & 11 a.m.

worst case of ten-ish elbow ever.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobthewriter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Last night I dreamt about working out and having big arms.

But those were just pipe dreams

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DonyKing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
An explosion on an aircraft carrier severed most of the crew’s arms at the wrist.

The clean-up that followed was all hands on deck.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?

Well don't worry, he's all right now

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthonyTheBg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
I just saw a kid in the hospital that got his left arm amputated

β€œIs he ok?” β€œHe’s all right.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleHeart0904
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I squat down and wrap my arms around my knees and just let myself start to lean forward.

Because that's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dymbrulee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in an accident?

He’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 325
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbysmalVixen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?

He had the right to bear arms.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
The date for my upper arm surgery is sooner than I anticipated...

I guess that's a wait off my shoulders

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolface2k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.

I told him to quit while he was a head.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a disable person with one arm?

Hand Solo

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harlan1596
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs....

Floating in a pond? Bob.

Hanging on a wall? Art.

In a pot on the stove? Stu.

Who's all scratched up? Nick.

Who got into a fight with a cat and lost? Claude.

Who's a bartender? Phil.

Lying in front of a door? Matt.

Who's a public speaker? Mike.

Who's deathly white? Paul.

Who works out every day? Jim.

Who's in the bathroom? Lou.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InkFoxPrints
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?

That’s okay, he’s all-right now!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyrus_Universe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new boxer with a disability that prevents him from lifting his arms past his waist?

All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riffengo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.

Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_IM
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Superman and I had an arm wrestling competition

The loser had to wear their underwear over their pants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tahmid5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Check out the battle scar on my arm. Made from scratch.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What are prosthetic arms?

They’re pretty handy

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oNe_SpICeY_bOi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall...

Art.

Two guys with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall? Curt n Rod.

No arms and no legs in a bathtub? Dwayne.

No arms and no legs at your front door? Mat

No arms and no legs and playing in the leaves? Russell

At the city dump? Phil

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,

but only to the teeth.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSadisticNerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?

Russle.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glassishalfull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me...

My wish would have far reaching consequences.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkenysis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flint_Ironstag81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I called my boss to tell her I couldn’t get the security system to arm as I locked up the office tonight

She seemed unalarmed...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sockyg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with one arm and no legs ?

By their name. Don’t be a dick.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alreadytakenx2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?

Doesn't ring a bell.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Come_by_chance
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
  • literally my dad right now
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/remixclashes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.

You should see the cast.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/freshstart321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Most people think that t-rexes can’t clap because they have short arms

But really, it’s because they are dead

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukiamyourfather
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?

A quick pick-me-up.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Coat of Arms
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SwordOfCheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places....

Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?

He’s finding it hard to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcswiss
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camarokidsss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?

Matt

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KiwiAssMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was watching football with my 11 year old son and wearing a short sleeve shirt. He said, "Dad, you have as much hair on your arms as I have on my head." I said,

"even more interesting, you have as much hair on your arms as I have on my head."

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: I very much love my arms. Do u know why?

Me: Why? Dad: Because I'm very attached to them.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scofield504
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.

He is always serious and never humerus...

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Coat of arms
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dee_Lansky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
fire arms
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neefhond
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of arms?

An army.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garrrrrrrry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...

She was waving an illegal fire arm.

πŸ‘︎ 582
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaidendeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I would like to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me, and my fingers because i could count on them
πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinityTheW0lf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy is getting his left arm amputated tomorrow. Don't worry, he'll be all right.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I seen a guy fishing today with a broken arm.

I yelled to him "nice cast!"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Agile820
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your door step?

Matt

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mully87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pretty girl hanging out on a accordion players arm?

A tattoo.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He said to the barman " a pint of beer please".

....and one for the road.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at school today and they ask us if the bill of rights apply to us students i responded we can't bare shoulders never mind baring arms
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gardnbra7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
It says linecesed to carry small arms sorry for spelling
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whereisarespaces
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?

Curt 'n Rod

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If you cut off your left arm then your right arm will be left.
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naam_Karan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....

β€œCan I have a drink for me and one for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tpatt83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Natty383
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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