In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?
What do you call a ninja with a broken arm?
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says...
"Two beers, please. One for me, and one for the road."
So the doctor came in to ask me about my broken arm. He said, "will painkillers help?"
Always remember, if you cut off your left arm...
....your right arm would be left.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a pool of blood?
A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.
Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"
Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink
The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.
Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"
Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."
Bartender: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Disclaimer: Not original.
My dad fell down the stairs and broke his arm.
He couldn't stop laughing though, it was a humerus situation.
According to the second amendment, I have the right to bear arms
Now what do I do about the rest of the animal?
My friend was telling me about the three bones of the arm
No arms no legs
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs .....at your front door?
Matt
...in your swimming pool?
Bob
....in your mailbox?
Bill
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is popular with the boys?
Hedy
What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg?
Eileen
What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and 1 leg?
Irene
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested,
He still has the right to remain silent.
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
My chair is missing an arm and a leg
And that doesn't sit well with me.
What do you call a guy who just had his arm torn off?
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.
I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.
Why do companies prefer people with only one arm instead of people with both arms?
Because people with only one arm can do everything single-handedly
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...
Man: Do you do fishcakes?
Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.
Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today
Have you heard the one about your arm bone?
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...
I’m all right.
buh-dum-tsss
A man with a broken arm made a joke. Everyone started laughing. He was...
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...
The conversation was pretty one-sided.
It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)
https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/
https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
What happens when you get two more lower arms?
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.
She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.
Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"
Why do bears in America run around with only 1 arm?
Because the Constitution says all men have rights to BEAR ARMS.
I had to have my right arm amputated....
What do you call a man with no arms or legs?
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in 2 places
He told me to stop going to those places.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean??
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a ditch?
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
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