So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means?

It's not the end of the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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So what if I can't spell armageddon?

It's not the end of the world.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ‘€︎ u/EddieGrant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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It really doesn’t matter if you can’t spell Armageddon

It isn’t the end of the world

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ‘€︎ u/dazcn24
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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β€ͺwhen you’re using all your might to fight back the apocalypse but after a while you’re like β€œoh shit, Armageddon tired”‬
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerMaster5000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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In the movie Armageddon, they should've sent the Fantastic Four to the asteroid.

The Thing is made of rocks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I was helping my son with his homework and he asked me what Armageddon was…

He got upset when I told him I didn’t know.

I thought to myself, β€œCome on, it’s not the end of the world, is it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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My search for a stock photo quickly turned into armageddon
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/inspiringlondon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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They're making a sequel to "Armageddon"

They're calling it Legageddon.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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I read a book about limbs taking over the world

It was armageddon

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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What did Bruce Willis say when he saw an asteroid heading for earth?

Armageddon outta here!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/timmygun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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What did the world eater say when he woke up from his 10,000 year slumber?

β€œArmageddon hungry!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/maddycowdisease
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Been a dad three years and I made a funny, only to get it done by grandpa

Family was watching a show about the Armageddon and I asked why they chose to watch the Armageddon and not th LEGageddon. Grampa says to turn the Armageddon program Armagedoff

πŸ‘︎ 339
πŸ‘€︎ u/weedandguitars
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 267
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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So what if I can't spell armageddon?

It's not the end of the world.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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So what if I can't spell 'Armageddon'

It's not the end of the world

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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So what if I don't know what Armageddon means...

It's not the end of the world!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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So what if I don’t know what β€˜Armageddon’ means.

It’s not the end on the world

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginge4244
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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I don't know what armageddon means...

...but it's not the end of the world.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/WakelessGrub
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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I misspelled "Armageddon"

It's not the end of the world.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xiphias_
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
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So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?

It’s not the end of the world!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I used to make terrible apocalypse puns.

But armageddon better at it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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