What did the armless kid get for Christmas?

Idk he hadn’t opened his present yet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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A joke about an armless chef

Is really just tasteless

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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How does am armless man play poker?

With a chip on his shoulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TraditionSmashed
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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As Ron laid on the floor armless, they were attempting to figure out what spell he had used.

β€œYou were supposed to be practicing expelliarmus on him, not this!”

β€œThat’s what I did! I disarmed him!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frickmylifeeeeeee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Did you hear about the armless guy in UFC?

He kicked ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Elite_Lucario
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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My friend didn't trust the surgeon with no limbs

I said "don't worry, he's armless"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigconk69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My cousin's middle school student drew this in her art class
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicalBear202
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.

He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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A boy and his dad walk in a hospital

They see laying on a bed a man with no arms

Dad: Don’t approach him son! This man lost his arms in a mighty struggle and is dangerous!

Man without arms: Don’t worry guys, I’m armless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joujoubox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Some people think amputees are dangerous

Personally I think they're armless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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A man with no arms walks into a church and asked the priest if he could be the new bell ringer.

The priest said he was unsure if he could hire him, but would give him a chance. The man went to the bell tower and started running into the bells head first to make the most beautiful sounds the priest had ever heard. Unfortunately, on his second attempt the man missed the bell and fell out of the tower and died. The priest ran outside to the body and asked the gathering crowd if anyone knew who he was and they all said no, but his face did ring a bell.

A few minutes later another man walked up and claimed that the armless man was a dead ringer for his brother.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Terry_Tate_OLB
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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Why weren’t T-Rexes that dangerous?

Because they were mostly armless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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What does the Black Knight enjoy on the weekend?

A bit of armless fun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deblunked
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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What did the driver with the cockney accent tell the one armed, three headed hitchhiker?

'Allo, 'allo, 'allo! You seem 'armless enough. 'Op in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheersfolks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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What's worse than an army recruit?

An armless one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obfustication
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2015
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Double Dad Joke at the Dinner table

So I was having dinner with my Wife's family and her niece is telling us about a shark attack she heard about.

Her, "It bit off his arm and swam away!"

Her Dad, "Well at least the guys 'armless now."

Me, "I just hope it was his left arm. Then he'd be all-right."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirJefferE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
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my father loves to tell this one

So in France in the 1500s there was an old tall church, and recently, the man who rings the bells grew sick and died. So the priest decided to hold interview for the job of the bell ringer. Nobody showed up but one man, he was a tall, strong looking man, but he had no arms. The priest, not wanting to turn anyone away, gave the man an interview, he seemed qualified but the priest didn't know how he would ring the bell, so he said no "Oh please father let me do it I'll prove myself, oh it'll be the best you've ever seen" the priest decided to give him a chance, they went up the winding stairs for a while till they reached the top. The man looked at the massive bell, but with excitement not fear, he was to ring the bell 5 times. He stepped back and ran full speed hitting his face to the bell, BANG. He stepped back, a bit shook up, but he shook it off and ran at the bell again, once again with his face, BANG. He did that two more times, then after the forth time He stepped back for the grand finale. He ran full speed and smashed the bell with such force it could be heard towns over, but with the force he was knocked back over the threshold and put if the tower to his death the priest ran full speed down the stairs to find a crowd around the mangled body of the of the armless man, a man walked over the priest and said "father who was this man who fell from the tower" to which the priest replied "I never caught his name but his face rings a bell".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KattheImpaler8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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It took him a while but he finally got me....

I was talking to my dad about spiders,

Me: "Huntsmen are great, they kill other bugs mostly."

Dad: "Yeah I really like them, they're armless."

Me: "armless?"

Dad: "yeah they're all legs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J6host
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2015
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Visiting the Terracotta Army, my Dad took my joke and raised it

I was looking at one of the damaged soldiers, which had only one hand. I said to my dad 'Look, he's 'armless'. My dad, without hesitation, pointed to a group of soldiers which were complete only up to the neck and he said 'those ones just laughed their heads off at that joke'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adewdropnun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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Whenever Dad sees a person who is missing both arms...

... "I wouldn't be afraid of him, he's 'armless"

BONUS DAD-JOKE: If the person is only missing their left arm... "I like that guy, he's all right"

I'm 25 and I have used these jokes on several occasions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSamKing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2014
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I'm pretty sure my dad has only ever used his Facebook this once

I was in Paris and uploaded a photo I took of the Venus de Milo.

Dad: This guy looks pretty 'armless Me: oh dear Mum: besides which, I think it's a girl Me: the boobs give it away Mum: ya reckon?

Shut down, dad.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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