Vegetable
We got some bloody tomatoes
To Cabbage Claim!
“Looks like you need to ketchup”
I dont know a veggable joke yet.
If you do lettuce know
"Sean, all we are saying is give peas a chance."
Cue-Cumberbatch
Orange you glad I came up with these grape and un-beet-able puns? Cauliflower (call a flower) shop. In celebration! It’s just bananas, and will drive you coco and nuts!
Fiancee: Let's see: summer squash...
Me: ...and some aren't!
e-Hominy.com
I'm not saying I'll watch it. But there's been wurst casting.
Mom explained what was in the stir fry she just cooked up.
"Trust me, you'll like what's in it: summer vegetables".
Dad -- "And summer not".
he he he
My wife had cooked a lovely dinner of porkchops, rice and asparagus. I took a pretty big portion of everything but managed to eat it all.
I go to take some more veggies, when my wife asks me "Are you really going to eat that too?"
I replied, "I might not, but...meh...never hurts to have a spare I guess......"
It’s the opposite of Outback Steak House.
My 12 year old daughter Ruby made it up so... not exactly a dad joke.
Don't buy any kind of fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Butternut squash
It’s the beet yo.
It just doesn’t meat their expectations
To prove it wasn't chicken.
The leek!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Wife made asian food for dinner last night, Tofu/Rice/Veggies/Chicken Wontons.
Toddler is killing the wontons and we teach him how to say "wonton" so he can ask for more correctly.
As he's stuffing another piece into his mouth I ask him "hey bubba, do you like wontons?"
To which my son replies, "No..like twotons"
My son's first joke and it's a dad joke...i'm just so proud lol....
However I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.
"First we take the tortilla and lay it out. Then we add the sliced meat, and veggies, dressing it with the red sauce by Franks. Add the cheese and fold it in on itself".....
"Ok, that's a Wrap"
I mean, the veggies on it are starting to turn different colors and the bread has gotten stale. How can anyone eat this sub?
6 Inch Veggie Patty on Italian Herb and Cheese with lettuce, olives, sweetcorn, guerkins, jalepenos, and Southwest Sauce.
Soon you will be able to purchase your very own veggie-table.
Cutting up veggies for my daughters, I asked: Where do vegetables go to visit the vegetable animals?
...
The zucchini!
They didn't laugh
Long post is long:
Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!
Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.
Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!
Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!
Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...
Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.
Her: Thyme is running out...
Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!
Her: Aim for Potato Garden!
Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!
Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!
Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!
Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!
Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!
Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.
Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!
Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!
The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.
Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!
Are the spinach still operational?
Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.
Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...
Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!
Her: And the squashes and peas!
Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!
The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.
**Her:
... keep reading on reddit ➡OK, this just happened: bumped head, bag of frozen veggies, < enter dad stage left (the doorway, stage right is a window, and it's shut).>
Me: what happened little man? Him: <he explains> Me: So... mummy peed on your head? <Wife smirks condescendingly> Him: what?
Now, this is what I need help with, it's not the first time this has happened either, the wife goes on for a minute or so explaining how "wee" is sometimes called "pee" and how I'm deliberately misunderstanding him for comic effect.
If this wasn't bad enough he then howls with laughter for about five minutes getting me to repeat what I said again and again, all the while jumping around in the bed and generally totally cured by my comedic genius.
This isn't the way it's meant to be, is it? Can I enrol in a local parenting class, or should I send my wife to couples therapy?
I replied, I am eating my veggie tables.
He said, Be sure and chair them.
We both got a kick out of how stupid we are! :)
She asked why I was microwaving the sweet potatoes instead of putting them in the oven and I told her that the turkey was in there, and I still needed to use the oven for the dressing, the veggies, and then the pie.
"Wow, there's a long waiting list for the oven!" she exclaimed.
I replied, "Yep, guess you could say it's the hot place to be tonight."
Had some food from the grill tonight, including grilled veggies.
Wife asked me to hand her the plate with the veggies for seconds. I told her there was some spare zucchini, but we didn't have a spare agus.
All around the table there were groans, except my step dad who thought it was hilarious.
My family and I were trying to teach my little brother about herbivores and carnivores, so when we would look at a dinosaur we would ask him, "What do you think this dinosaur ate?" and he would answer. We got to one dinosaur and my mom says "What do you think this one was? Veggies or meat?" My dad then answers, "I'm no dinosaur expert but I'm thinking it was made out of meat." My dad and I shared a good laugh but my mom was not amused.
Edit: I was not born in the 80’s I will not get any of the references
They said, "Sean, all we are saying is give peas a chance."
