Timing Puns

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

(Timing)

There is an Al Gore rhythm.

Because the cases keep Dublin.

Is this a bad yolk?

...But I've always thought it was pun-tuality.

Wife and I go to lunch and a movie. She wants to sneak her soda in under her sweater hoping it looks like an insulin pump. I tell her it's more like a COLAstomy bag.

It wasn't the moment.

...it can now be called "Mariah Carey-oke"

Tom Waits.

http://www.reddit.com/r/perfecttiming/comments/4y0e8j/_/

By /u/rhi_draw

"Hey, Chris, do you know the secret to good comedy?"

I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!

(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)

Hands down.

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Fruit flies like a banana.

..no one even raises an eyebrow.

Roberto.

Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance.

TLDR; I wanted to say Sir Lancelot

Daughter: "I was adopted?"

Dad: "You were adorable as a baby!"

Daughter: "Oh!!"

Dad: "That's why we adopted you. "

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

Doc: Sounds like tacocardia.

She felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioner

Napoleon Blown Apart.

Tooth Hurty.

GOAT

But you guys didn’t like it very much

people were called Lance a lot.

What a stupid thing to fallout 4

I’m his uncle monitor.

"You're grounded!"

You officially hit rock bottom

Me: hi Dad. My Dad: hi Dad. Me: but you're my Dad.

And then you will all be sorry.

No it doesn't.

Now it’s syncing.

He was... pungent.

Thank you I'll be here all week /bow

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

They'd think something was wrong with me.

...sails are going through the roof.

Because you have a Tutankhamun.

Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.

He didn’t get along with his moth-er-in-law.

A taxi

Hands down.

Tooth hurt-y

Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too

2:30 (Tooth hurty).

Fruit flies like a banana