PUNctual
We both hate ese's.
https://youtu.be/03MFDa-9Q28
Sorry for vertical video :(
http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/21p8tb/his_face_just_collapsed_as_he_hit_the_slide_xpost/cgfe4ds
It’s mail-dominated.
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
[removed]
The spacebar
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
That’s just unpresidented
One to cook and one to clean.
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
two times ten is twenty and two times eleven is twenty too
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
It's not much but it's getting me bi
One does not simply walk into Mordor
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
But it's just a curd to me
But will she leave me ?
Find out next week.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Oh, no, wait, she's back. She just went for groceries.
Because sin 90 = cot 45.
"Stairs don't talk!"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
A cycle path.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Once upon a time there were numerous tribes in a jungle. Each tribe struggled to survive, and over time and as skills evolved, tribes began to trade goods with each other. One tribe learned the skills of architecture, and traded designs for safe grass houses with neighboring tribes for other necessities, such as food. Over time, the tribe grew quite rich, and without the need for goods the chief of the tribe demanded payment in the form of a tribute, an ornate throne. Over time the number of thrones the chief owned grew more and more numerous, so he had a great multi-story grass house built to store all of his thrones. One day, the weight of the thrones became so much the house collapsed, killing the chief. The moral of the story is… wait for it…
He who lives in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
“This takes me back.”
It must be the high Mercury content.
Poor bastard.
But in mediaeval times people were called lance a lot
Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again 🤔
It really takes me back.
