So two wind turbines are standing in a field when one asks the other β€˜what kind of music do you like?’

The second replies β€˜I’m a big metal fan’

Courtesy of my 10 year old!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I was standing in line waiting to have my hair cut, when I noticed that no one had started a fire yet.

I thought, "This is a shit barber queue."

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Prince Phillip is standing next to DMX in line for St. Peter, he's says "50?"

DMX respond "naw dawg that's a different rapper"

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeseliM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the footballer's girlfriend think when she saw him standing between some goal posts?

"He's a keeper"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a picture with me standing and solar panels in the background. Please suggest something punny.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flamingo that is standing still?

A flamingstop

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4z1n4m3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, β€œWill you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...

β€œI do!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Jim Morrison was standing in front of the television as a child, blocking his father's view of the game.

His father shouted, "Jim! You make a better Door than a window!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman standing between 2 goal posts?

Annette.

πŸ‘︎ 554
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand?

Quattro Sinko

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Said_It_in_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
When you see cows standing in a field, they are good cows.

They are outstanding in their field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Star_Dragon01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, β€œHa! That’s not going to help!”

β€œSure, it does.” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?

...Curt & Rod

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/purcy_77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: Hey, Dad, is that a man standing next to an igloo over there?

Dad: It's just an Aleutian.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rimfax
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Out Standing
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumbbookknurd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.

One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.

"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets.

Then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Two snowmen are standing in a field....

One looks over at the other. sniff sniff, β€œDo you smell carrots?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Auriga1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...

"Excuse me sir.Is the bar tender here?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A physicist sees a guy standing on the edge of a rooftop

He immediately shouts: Don't do it! You have so much potential!

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the elephant standing on a marshmallow?

So it wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

(Joke from my dad has been telling since the 80s.)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/painted_dessert94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever eaten under a standing table?

would be pretty under stand table.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yand3rech4n
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Standing in the limelight v.redd.it/1sfzb8i1t6x41
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyGuysItsTimmy73
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to get some silverware for dinner and my wife was standing in front of the drawer. So I sang this to her:

🎢"Give me three forks,

Give me three forks sweetie,

Give me three forks from the drawer.

Give me three forks,

Give me three forks baby,

And I won't ask you for four." 🎡

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cows are standing in a field...

Cow 1: are you worried about getting mad cow disease?

Cow 2: of course not... I’m not a cow!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ed_five
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Standing firm for family values
πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Obviousbrosif
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom needed help standing up after cleaning the bathroom, so she asked my dad for a hand.

He started clapping.

(Obligatory: actually happened today, my mom messaged me to complain about his bad joke. I thought it was fucking hilarious.)

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/malagrond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear the joke about a bunch of fat tourists standing in a queue?

It's got a terrible paunch line.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best vegetable at standing in a line?

The queue-cumber!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/42undead2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad gave me standing instructions to not scare him on halloween

Well, it is invalid as I was sitting.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/naiivekid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a guy standing outside for hours yesterday. I asked β€œAre you okay?” He said...

β€œYeah, I’m outstanding.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
You should always try and solve your problems while standing...

Cause it helps you think on your feet.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ms_Alykinz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are standing, watching a street performer do some juggling.

The performer notices they have a rather poor view, so stands on a large box, asking 'Can you see me better now?' They reply:

'Yes' 'Oui' 'Si' 'Ja'

πŸ‘︎ 342
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LilGingeyboi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Two cows are standing next to each other in a pasture...

Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artifically inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestValkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Two wind turbines are standing in a wind farm..one turns to the other and says β€œwhat’s your favorite kind of music?”

He replied β€œI’m a big metal fan!”

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maniamadd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
these two wind turbines were standing in the field talking. one says to the other, "what kind of music do you like?" the reply...

"I'm a big metal fan"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/niftyww
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other β€˜what kind of music do you like?’

The other replies β€˜Well, I’m a big metal fan.’

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KBilly4-21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets

and then it hit me

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aresbeast
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Standing at the park today wondering why does a frisbee appears larger the closer it gets..

And then it hit me! I didn't see that one coming

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MainScientist6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.

Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBigReeeeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever eaten under a standing table?

would be pretty under stand table.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yand3rech4n
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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