Did you know the film β€œSpeed” had no director?

If it had direction, it would be called β€œVelocity”.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Divine_ICBM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps.

I’m slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muisicaldork
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of room do speed racers stay in?

...Vroom vroom.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eijensama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I am speed
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dj_Chetty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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How do you measure the speed of joy?...

In smiles per hour!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway2032015
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
They want to reboot Speed with One Direction

It's called Velocity.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Physics: Why can’t Catholics travel at light speed?

Because they have mass.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I hate it whenever I hit a speed bump...

... but I’ll get over it.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosanostra97
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of person speeds up vaccine development?

A Russia

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acschwar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they always use thieves as the high speed units in RPGs?

Because they're so dodgy.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSquigles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I have a speed bump phobia

But I am slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bruinsfan011
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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While driving the car, an ambulance passed us at high speed, sirens blaring.

I said to my wife:

"Can't see them selling much ice cream at this speed."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating

or just mething around?

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skol_vkings
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the hulk say during speed dating

In hulk voice: "hulk tired of just smashing, hulk want meaningful relationship

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the scientist when he broke the speed of light?

He was sent to prism.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ima420r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Down periscope and full speed ahead!

Sorry. Wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the speed runner beat the world record on hair stylist simulator?

He took a shortcut.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a really dark joke about light waves changing speeds and direction!

[refracted]

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huxm_luxl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I am speed
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonMastr166
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I put my grandma's no. On speed dail, I call it insta-gram
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj_arora_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.

Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call soup traveling at the speed of light

Fast food

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeemist90881
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the optometrist say when the Russian aircraft flew past at lightning speed?

He felt it might have been an optical Illyushin

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Would a Speed Dating event at Hobby Lobby be called...

Craft Singles?

My daughter said the joke was cheesy and not very Gouda. :(

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guycelium
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve never liked speed bumps much.

But I'm getting over it slowly.

πŸ‘︎ 415
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
When You order some High Speed Trains from Ali Express... youtube.com/watch?v=5LwMp…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Bobby2009
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If a priest is travelling at the speed of light...

does he still have mass?

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know centipedes have a faster top speed than humans.

They run at 100 feet a second

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrikerSam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"

Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know milk is faster than the speed of light?

It’s pasteurized before you know it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xdefmodex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I have my grandma on speed dial

I call it: InstaGram

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lacsantos91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps,

But I'm slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps

But I’m slowly getting over it

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biscuithead85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps....

but I’m slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps...

but I'm slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm scared of speed bumps

But I'm slowly getting over it !

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rizsrq
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the sunbeam that exceeded the speed of light?

It was sent to prism.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an intense fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tardtart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps.

I’m slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnorkelTurkey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps.

It's ok though, I'm slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps...

But I’m slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear for speed bumps...

I'm slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xinnobun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating...

Or just mething around?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of speed bumps...

But I’m slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epic420698
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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