I was pulled over with my son in the car for speeding. Got a ticket. Then the officer said I’m free to go.

I replied β€œactually it cost me about $80”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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All of you who hate speeding tickets....

Raise your right foot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kmo78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Why don’t airline pilots get speeding tickets?

Because they are above the law.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperWildcat64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Me: Sir, you can’t give me a ticket for speeding. I am planning to run a Marathon today.

Cop: Stop playing the race card.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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Why did the Muslim get a speeding ticket during Ramadan?

He was going to fast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmon_Just_The_Tip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
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I just got a speeding ticket

That’s fine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortniteligmaboy
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I pointed a tape gun at coworker as he passed by and shouted "Beep beep, you're speeding, sir. Gotta get you a ticket"

Coworker: "Nah, how you gonna prove it?"

Me: "Easy, I have it here on tape!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/majorpun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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Why did the cop let the dry cleaner go without a speeding ticket?

He understood he had pressing matters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donjaymanly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Why did the propane truck driver get a speeding ticket?

He was hauling gas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsonlyinternet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
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Fox News Host Jeanine Pirro Gets Ticket for Speeding at 119 M.P.H. but, fortunately there was no accident.

She was charged with wreckless driving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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My son asked me why I have to pay a fine on my speeding ticket.

I told him "because it makes everything fine again."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nhooyr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
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Speeding Ticket

So I went Black Friday shopping this morning and on my drive back home I got pulled over. I called my dad to break the news to him.

Dad: Did you get any great deals out there? Me: Not really. In fact, it was really expensive. I just got a $145 ticket for speeding. Dad: Wow. I've never heard of anything like that. That doesn't sound like a good deal to me. Me: I know. Talk about an expensive mistake. Dad: No, I've never heard of the band "speeding" and there is no way they are good enough for me to pay $145 dollars to see them. Hahahahaha

Dad humor is 1000x's better than yelling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwilso9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
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Someone needs to give summer a speeding ticket

because it's going by way too fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greengleam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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There was a train officer with an insulin pump handing out tickets at the speed of light.

He was a type 2 superconductor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_cheggman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I was stopped by the cops while I was driving today.

Police : You're getting a speeding ticket for that kind of driving.

Me : Oh that's great , where to ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaushik_220601
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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My uncle is an OG dad, schooling us all

Blatantly stolen from my Uncles Facebook page (link in comments):

Uncle: I'm proud of myself. Instead of goofing off this summer, I chose to go back to school and better myself. I enrolled in a course and have spent the past few weeks in intense study, finally passing the final exam today with a score of 100% - a score that I'm pretty sure they don't see too often. It's not often that I toot my own horn, but this time I think I really deserve it. Thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal!

Friend: Congratulations! What subject?

Uncle: It was Traffic School. Speeding ticket. The system wanted me to fail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaSquad1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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My dad always says, β€œ50 is the new 40!”

Every day, the cops give him a ticket for speeding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Got my FIL on Easter

I was slightly speeding through a speed trap, yesterday. My FIL said, "Careful, you don't want a speeding ticket on Easter Sunday..."

I responded, "I know... Fee has risen."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WiBorg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
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Every time we are on a road trip.

A car will pass us going well over the speed limit my father cannot help himself.

"Hey kids there goes our speeding ticket!"

*groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatodavid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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My dad never fails to amaze me with these.

Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosygreg
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
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